Page 32 of Mine to Love
As we sit, I brush her hair out of her face and do my best to get her to look at me. “Darcy, they’re gone. It’s just us. It’s me. You’re safe.” I’m patient with her as she struggles to find her own sense of calm. I can imagine being manhandled and intimidated like that has brought back memories. So much so, she struggles to catch her breath as she finally lifts her head to scan the room.
“Hey, hey, deep breaths. We’ve got to get that heart rate of yours under control. Just breathe, Darcy. Just breathe.” I guide her through the process and after about another minute, her breaths finally stabilize.
I brush her hair out of her face once more and, pulling the handkerchief from my lapel, I dab away her tears and streaks of mascara. She’s still beautiful as ever. I just hope she’s okay.
“Tell me, what did Damon say to you? Did those men hurt you? Tell me everything, exactly as it happened.” I know I’m asking too many questions, but I can’t help myself. I may not show it on the outside like Darcy does, but inside, the sight of her like this has me scrambling.
Darcy shakes her head. Her nose runs and I dab that away too. She begins picking at her cuticles as she struggles to find the words. I reach for her hands, taking them both in mine. She looks at me. There’s so much sorrow buried inside her crystal blue eyes. I see it in a way I never have before. We’ve talked, somewhat, about her past. But there’s still so much I don’t know. In truth, I’m not sure if I should. If seeing that guard with a single hand on her has struck me this deeply, what will knowing the full extent of Darcy’s trauma do to me?
It will consume me, that’s what. All control will be lost, and I won’t sleep, I won’t eat until the man responsible has suffered tenfold and no longer inhabits the same planet as my love. It’s then that Darcy says, “Damon didn’t do anything wrong. He was just apologizing for the way he acted last weekend. And, after he left, I thought I’d use the bathroom before you got back to our table. I haven’t peed in hours. But I guess I went through the wrong door, because those men were in here and they…”
As fresh tears threaten to pour from her, I rub my thumb over her soft hand. She lowers her gaze, focusing on the rhythmic movement of my thumb. I sense it’s soothing for her. “They yelled at me and grabbed me and…and I know they were just doing their job, but I was scared. So scared I don’t have to use the bathroom anymore.”
Realization dawns on me as Darcy shifts in her seat. I will kill them for this—for touching her, scaring her, humiliating her. Even if Aidan forbids it, I have ways of making men disappear he could never dream of. “I should’ve been there,” I say. “I could’ve escorted you and none of this would have happened.”
“It’s not your fault,” Darcy assures me. “It’s not even theirs. It’s just… You’re here now.” With that, Darcy snuggles against my chest, and I wrap my arm around her once more. “You chase away the darkness.” Oh, my sweet angel,I am the darkness.I run my fingers through her long curls as she lies against me. I can feel her heartbeat against my chest. It’s still faster than I’d like.
“I want to know your darkness. I want to know where it lurks, what it says. I want every memory that haunts you. I want to know it,him, by name. You shouldn’t have to carry it alone, Darcy.” I wish she didn’t have to carry it all. But I know how darkness and trauma work. It never truly leaves us, no matter how much healing we do. That is clear by the pang of guilt in mychest as I take the blame for what happened here tonight, same as I did when Cara was taken.
I always think it’s my responsibility to save everyone, protect everyone from every little thing, even though I know it isn’t humanly possible to do so. It isn’t possible to be perfect all the time. But, perhaps, that knowledge is why it’s easier to cling to guilt. Guilt implies power, control. I’d rather assume the responsibility and the guilt for failing the people I love than admit the truth—I can’t stop death. I can dole it out, playing the role of reaper. But I can’t stop it from taking my loved ones from me, same as I can’t stop the pain from coursing through Darcy’s being. She is forever scarred by her past and me mine. But that doesn’t mean she has to endure the pain alone.
Darcy sits up then, and in an unexpected move, brings her hand to my cheek. She brushes her finger over my slightly grown out facial hair. I lined it up before we left, but I was so busy this week I didn’t have time to shave to my standards. At this moment, I couldn’t be more thankful. Darcy is touching me in a way she never has before. The sensation has longing coiling deep inside me. I never realized how empty and hopeless I was until I met her and felt her warmth.
“Perhaps now,here, isn’t the place for us to discuss such things. But Darcy, I am sorry for everything you’ve been through. Recent events, the hell your ex put your through, losing both your parents, and all the things I don’t know—everything.You’ve been surrounded by darkness for so long, undeservedly so. And yet I am amazed by you, because you are still the brightest light I’ve ever seen.”
Darcy’s lips draw into a sad smile. “I’m not though. I feel like a walking rain cloud ninety percent of the time. I just tend to break behind closed doors—for Delilah’s sake.” She then retracts her hand, and I instantly miss her touch. Desperate for more of it,her, I devise a plan.
“Well, you can break behind my door, or in my arms, anytime. You don’t have to hide from me, Darcy. But what do you say, we make the most of the time we have left here?” I intertwine my fingers with hers. “Dance with me.” Darcy blushes and glances down at her dress. “You look perfect. The fabric of your dress is thick enough. No one will know what happened here.”
“But what about the smell? Maybe we should just?—”
I lean forward and run my nose from atop her cleavage up to her ear. Skin on skin, Darcy gasps. I could kick myself for losing my restraint and yet, the subtle sound escaping her has every muscle in my body pumped and yearning, including the one hanging between my legs. It’s distracting enough to quieten my self-loathing. “You smell as heavenly as you always do, like vanilla, honey, and blackberries.” I linger next to her ear for as long as I can, giving us both a moment to collect ourselves before pulling back. When I do, Darcy’s lips part and her cheeks blush.
She lowers her gaze, noticing our hands are still clasped together. “Fine. Just give me a moment to freshen up. I’ll have to find somewhere to discard these panties.” I let go of her hand then and open my palm. “Are you serious?I’m sure there’s a trashcan somewhere.” She looks around.
“Absolutely not. You’re not leaving your DNA anywhere in this house.” For some asshole to find and jerk off to, no less. Darcy rolls her eyes, but when she returns from the bathroom, she shyly hands me her nude-colored thong. I do my best to keep a straight face as she places the dainty fabric in my palm. Though, I savor every second I take to place the item in my pocket,andthe warmth still radiating off it. I don’t care if it’s from the urine or her body heat. It’s her essence, and I will absorb every bit I can.
With Darcy fresh and smiling, I extend my arm, and she takes it. One last dance before we head home.
28
Gio guidesme from the parlor toward the dancefloor. I keep my eyes on the ground to avoid eye contact with the guards positioned around the perimeter. They likely know about my embarrassing moment because of their headsets. And, even if they don’t, I feel more on-edge than normal knowing Gio has my underwear in his pocket.
I can’t believe he did that. I can’t believe I let him. And now, I’m not sure if it’s nerve-induced nausea or childish butterflies toying with the inside of my stomach. But, as we step onto the white platform, surrounded by candles and roses, I feel as if I may faint. My stomach aches. My legs feel weak. And, at any moment, I’m afraid my dress may betray me. Still, I could not turn down the chance for one last dance with Gio.
As we find our place amongst the few other couples dancing, which includes Ana and DamonandSophia and Cassio, Gio places one hand on my hip, pulling me close to him. Intertwining our fingers, he lifts the other hand to about the height of my shoulder. I stand so close to him I feel as if I could disappear inside his skin. I think I would feel safe there. Perhaps I’d even feel powerful. Gio is so commanding when he wants tobe. The way he handled those men did not go unnoticed. And, yet he doesn’t act with anger. He is always calm and seemingly in control. I wish I was more like him. Knowing that that is probably impossible, I’ll settle for just being near him.
Gio’s sensual, warm aroma of cinnamon and musk surrounds us as we begin our dance through the surprisingly cool, candle-lit night. It reminds me of last night. I’ve been close to Gio before, but I don’t think I’ve ever truly beenawareof him until I spent time with him in his bed, until we spent time together not discussing trauma or our mundane days, but actually doing something enjoyable together. It was different. And after that dream?—
I lift my eyes to meet Gio’s warm gaze. His lips draw into a subtle smile. It touches his eyes, making him look like the kindest man in the world. He is the kindest man I’ve ever known.
“There she is,” Gio says. He tugs my hand towards his lips and plants a soft kiss on my knuckles. The gesture has me gasping in surprise same as when he nuzzled my chest with his nose. Though, just as I did not pull away then, I do not pull away now. Instead, the frenzy in my stomach calms and I no longer care who’s watching us.
“Have you come back to me, my angel?” He asks, noting I’ve been a little quiet since handing him my panties. I only nod and smile, not trusting my words. What can I say? None of this makes sense. It’s then that Gio pulls me even tighter against him and spins us quickly. The sudden movement makes me laugh. “I love your laugh.”
“Well, thank you for giving me a reason to.” As the song changes to an even slower melody, I let go of Gio’s hand and wrap my arms around his neck. At least, I try to. Our height difference only allows my fingertips to caress the very back of his neck. And that I do. Without even thinking, I run my fingers through his soft, thick hair. Gio’s smile fades, and his featuressoften, though not in a way that makes me feel he wants me to stop. Instead, I sense he wants me to continue. Gio is always offering me sweet, soothing touches. Perhaps he’s modeling the touch he’d like to receive. “Do you like this?” I whisper.
“Yes, very much.” His voice is quiet and raspy. I continue touching him softly, playing with his hair as he controls both his body and mine, moving us around the dancefloor until we hardly move at all. With both my arms around his neck, he wraps both of his around my lower back and we sway in a singular spot in the corner of the dancefloor. My chest now planted against his gives him an eye-full of cleavage. But I don’t care. I like his eyes on me. It helps keep mine trained on him and not on the nameless faces in the crowd.
