Page 66 of Choosing Hope
“Do you love her?” I ask, sounding more confident than I feel.
“No.”
He glances away, and his gesture brings on a wave of nausea. I suspect he’s not telling the full truth, but then he surprises me. He hasn’t finished.
“I thought I was falling for her...I wasn’t. It’s hard to explain this to you; I’m still trying to work it all through in my own mind. She’s uninhibited and learned to play right into all my kinks. Her technique was like a breath of fresh air because she distracted me from some of the demons I’ve been running from. She did something you couldn’t, because whenever I look at you I see Carlo. The way I feel about you, or even Carlo, is completely different.”
I nod. Years of being with a man like Spencer helps me to understand his response. He’s always looked for reassurance. This strange power trip plays straight into all his insecurities.
With courage, I ask, “Do you intend to give her up?”
“Yes.” His answer is immediate. He straightens. “She’s not good for me.” A pause, then, softer, “She’s not a bad person. She’s young, carefree, very spoiled, with no real responsibilities. To her it was all a game. But for me...being with her pulls me further from the life I want. From us.”
“Thank you for telling me,” I reply.
My heart aches. I long to feel his arms around me. I’m reassured a little by his honesty, but I’m still experiencing a grinding sense of loss.
I push myself away from the counter, intending to collect plates and napkins for the cake, but his hand clasps me, cupping my jaw. I lean into his palm, enjoying the contact.
“Come here,” he murmurs.
Stepping into him, he holds me tight against him.
“Sophie, I’m sorry. Really fucking sorry.”
I stifle a sob. “Just promise me you’re coming back,” I plead, my voice weak.
He pushes me back from him, looking straight into my eyes.
“I don’t deserve you, Soph. I promise you I’m coming back, and I will try my darndest to change.”
Keeping quiet, I drop my gaze to the button on the front of his shirt and bob my head. I’d love to be excited by his admission, but sadly, this has gone on too long for me to believe him yet.
Chapter Sixteen
Spencer
All fucking day I’ve had wall to wall pointless meetings. Nothing seems to have gone the way I want ever since I left home on Monday morning.
I’m in Dubai again, tying up the loose ends of the deal I negotiated last week.
At least, my marriage is looking a little brighter. I’m well aware that we have a long road to travel, but my rushed confession the other day seems to have helped take an immenseweight off my shoulders.
Carlo told me repeatedly for weeks to speak to Sophie about Kalie. My life was spiraling out of control; it hasn’t stopped spinning, but hopefully the pace has decreased a little.
Now somehow, I just need to learn to accept who I am, and what I need, because it seems the people who love me the most accepted it years ago.
I’ve had to cancel my appointment with Dr. Klein this week, delaying it until next Tuesday. It’s not ideal, but this deal is too lucrative to lose.
I crawl into bed, having drunk far more than I usually would. At least I’m alone.
After my dinner meeting, I sloped into the bar rather than returning to my room, to celebrate securing the biggest deal in my life. The acquisition of another hotel chain, but this one has hotels all around the world.
Tomorrow morning, I’ll regret my drinking binge, but before going to bed tonight I was certain I wouldn’t get to sleep without some chemical assistance.
My phone rings with Carlo’s ringtone. It’s set to ‘Do not Disturb’, but both Carlo and Sophie are always exceptions to that rule.
“Hey, what’s up?”
