Page 47 of Choosing Hope
“But he loves being with you. He’s a different person with you,” I argue.
The rise of his eyebrows and dip of his chin was the only response Carlo gave me for a few moments.
“He enjoys observing me at the club.”
Whispering as if he thinks the walls might have ears, the depth of his tone coupled with the scene he’s describing sends a shot of desire straight to my core. I squirm on his lap.
“You like the idea of that, Bella?” he asks, sweeping my hair back from my face again affectionately.
“Hmm,” I hum. “It’s been a long time.”
His chest expands with an unusually large breath.
Pinning me with a harsh stare, he asks, “What’s going on, Soph?”
He narrows his eyes, peering at me with troubled confusion marring his handsome face. I suspect he’s trying to interpret my response before I’ve voiced it.
When I speak again, my words are so quiet they’re almost lost.
“I’ve never regretted losing anything so much in my whole life.” A sigh escapes my lips. “I miss you so much.”
The muscle in his jaw twitches again, telling me how hard he’s finding this conversation.
“The night he left me at the apartment after I announced my pregnancy, felt as if someone had scooped my heart out of my chest with a spoon. But it’s nothing like the pain I’m experiencing now.”
I choke out the words, squeezing them past the lump in my throat.
Carlo tilts his head back, groaning.
“I know what you’re going to say but from what I’ve seen, none of our lives have been the same since we split.”
He closes his eyes.
“Bella, put this into words of one syllable so that there’s no possible confusion. Are you asking me to fuck you?” he glares at me.
“Yes, in the club, in full sight of Spencer,” I reply, with confidence.
His eyes drop to my cleavage, heating me from within.
“Fuck, Bella,” he rasps.
I don’t speak, giving him a chance to think. His large fingers trace a pattern on my arm.
He pauses for so long that I almost feel compelled to fill the gap. I force myself to wait, focusing on the erratic pulse in my chest.
“I’m not sure if I can do this again.” He finally replies, studying me with an intensity that steals the breath from my lungs. “My heart was in danger, because I was falling for both of you, Bella. But it seems like every time I love, I lose. I don’t think I can go through a loss like that again.”
My lips twitch to kiss him, to show him my love for him. I push my fingers through the short hair on the back of his head; my gesture seems to relax him and makes his eyelids heavy.
“I understand, and I’m not suggesting this to cause you any further distress. However, I think Spencer needs to see that I have no issue with you. I’ve told him until I’m blue in the face. My idea throws his sex games back at him, and hopefully gives us the opportunity to start a fresh. It could be our last chance. I don’t want to lose either of you, Carlo. I love you.”
He runs the back of his finger down my cheek.
“If you leave Spencer, I’ll never be able to live with the guilt that I might have been able to help.”
I swallow the sob that’s threatening to burst out of my chest.
“Tell me your plan and give me some time to think about it. But know this; I won’t touch you without speaking to him first.”
