Page 32 of Choosing Hope
It wasn’t until maybe eighteen months later that she stopped going, but even then, Sophie insisted she didn’t want Carlo and me to stop going. Her only condition was that we reenact our evening with her when we returned home.
This new dynamic in our relationship opened a whole new world of possibilities.
Not long after, I started traveling regularly with my thriving business.
Our game became even more forbidden when I introduced nighttime phone calls from all over the world, as I would fuck some woman I’d picked up in a bar for a one-night stand.
Whenever he could, Carlo would stay with Sophie while I was away. He’d follow my instructions, reenacting the scenes I was performing.
Sophie claimed to love the experience and stipulated that as long as I always came home to her, she had the confidence to enjoy my pleasure.
The buzz just kept on buzzing.
And meeting those other women proved one thing; I was married to the most perfect woman in the world.
The three of us seemed happy.
I checked in with Sophie regularly, aware we were playing a dangerous game. It was exciting, forbidden, and although we all understood it couldn’t last, somehow it became normal.
However, I didn’t see the next chapter coming, and when it unraveled, it changed everything.
That was the moment we lost something, and I didn’t have a clue how to turn the clock back.
Chapter Seven
Spencer
Dr. Klein shifts subtly in her chair, eyes still fixed on me, a little softer now, less like a question and more like a hand extended in reassurance.
“You didn’t lose everything, Spencer. But it sounds like the clubs have fractured something—maybe in your dynamic with Sophie, maybe in your sense of control, or safety...or yourself.”
She pauses, and her voice lowers a touch.
“When you say you didn’t see it coming—what do youthink you missed?”
I shift in my seat, swallowing down the sudden dryness in my throat, gazing longingly at the seat bed that had been so comfortable yesterday. A wave of tiredness sweeps over me.
“I think...” I start, then falter. My tongue is too large for my mouth.
“I think I let myself believe we were untouchable.”
Dr. Klein doesn’t interrupt, just waits.
“We’d built something so different...so beautiful and strange and just ours. Sophie, Carlo and me; we found this balance. This rhythm.” I peer down at my hands. “And I guess...I stopped checking in with the part of me that knew it couldn’t last.”
I laugh, but it’s hollow.
“I thought I was in control. I told myself I was giving everyone what they needed. That no one was hurting. But then...” I exhale sharply through my nose. “Then I wasn’t looking. Not properly.”
I pause, eyes darting toward hers.
“Something shifted. And I missed it.”
She narrows her eyes, easily picking up on my distress.
“What happened?”
“Sophie . . .”
