Page 21 of Choosing Hope
I wobble my head. Not to disagree, just trying to shake off the noise. To keep it from taking over.
My legs are unsteady, like they’re done holding me up.
I sink into the nearest upright chair, deliberately ignoring the other one across the room, the one I’d abandoned when this all started.
The room descended into silence, but I couldn’t hear it for the noise that persisted in my head.
I tried to focus on the ticking of the clock.
The scratching of her pen nib.
But both were drowned out.
“It’s okay. Let’s take a moment.”
Her voice is even, her posture unthreatening,but they still send a bolt of concern up my spine, straightening my back. I glance at her, I’m more vulnerable than I have been in years.
“You don’t need to speak right now. Just breathe. Let your body catch up with what you’ve just accessed.”
She waits a beat, giving me space.
"When you're ready, I'd like to shift focus gently—not to dismiss anything we've touched, but to explore your relationship with your wife. Can we try that?”
I study her. As my back relaxes, each bone gently lowering, while the pressure in the material connecting them lessens.
Closing my eyes, I try to take my mind back to when I first saw Sophie. My chest still squeezes when I think of the moment, but instead of starting there, I decide to fast forward to the moment we first spoke.
I met Sophie during my second year at university. She changed everything. Meeting her shook my life up. It was such a marked improvement that I couldn’t believe it was real.
She was one of many other students in my law lectures, but as soon as I saw her across the auditorium, she stood out like a beacon.
For several weeks I watched her. She was stunning with flowing blonde hair, large, bright blue eyes, and a figure to die for. Yet my fascination for her wasn’t only to do with her physical appearance.
On the rare occasions I caught her eye, she looked at me the way Chess had looked at Carlo and our connection made my heart stop.
It took me a few days to find out her name, though when I did, Sophie Jones became my fixation. I stalked her through social media, learning everything I could about her and her best friend, Nicky.
Sophie seemed to glow with happiness; her striking blonde hair no doubt helped with the vision, but it was her free, cheerful confidence that made the room light up when she entered.
Yet even though I caught her checking me out from time to time, it took me a few weeks to summon the courage to actually speak to her.
Initially, the idea of dating another girl seemed like a betrayal of Chess’ memory.
It took several weeks to confess my concerns to Carlo, but I’m certain he was aware something was going on because I took a step back from our physical relationship.
Once I eventually summoned the confidence, he simply brushed a kiss over my lips and reminded me of Nonna’s words.
‘Live boldly. Love hard. Go forth and conquer, boys. Disregard bitterness. And never, ever settle for half a life.’
The day I finally summoned the courage to speak to her; Sophie had a crazy hangover. She and Nicky were party girls, but I’d never seen her look so pale, though she was still beautiful.
They came into the auditorium, slumped down and tried their best to blend into the background.
Impossible. Her light was too bright.
Our professor called her out because she and Nicky were wearing sunglasses inside. He forced them to remove them.I laugh. They were so out of it; it took them a minute to figure out he was talking to them.
Her gaze flicked up to meet mine, and the color rising in her cheeks said everything.
