Page 82 of Last First Kiss
Alejandra 2:27 p.m.:
right! but i’m okay, i’ll probably stay at diana’s tonight. she refuses to leave me out of sight
Isabella 2:27 p.m.:
good. do you need anything?
Alejandra 2:27 p.m.:
i’m good. thanks!
Isabella 2:27 p.m.:
Well, text us if you change your mind.
Alejandra 2:27 p.m.:
i will. drive safe!
I sigh, slowly tossing my phone to the side.
“Still nothing from Clara?” my mom asks, approaching me.
I shake my head. “You?”
“She texted to let me know she made it to the hotel. I called her after, but she wasn’t in a talking mood.”
“Neither one of us has been lately,” I say, hoping she won’t try to pull me into a conversation about what is going on between Clara and me.
My mom reaches over and squeezes my hand. “I know it doesn’t feel like it right now, but you guyswillfigure this out, like you have everything else.”
We sit in silence for a while, and I can sense her holding something back, like there’s a question on the tip of her tongue, but I don’t ask.
Finally, she speaks. “So, New York, huh?”
I let out a slow breath. “Yeah.”
She nods, but concern fills her eyes. “Are you still thinking about going?” she asks, trying to sound neutral as if the answer doesn’t matter to her.
“No,” I admit, for the first time, out loud.
“Because of Clara?”
“Yes . . . and no.”
She tilts her head, patiently waiting for me to gather my words.
“I was so excited about getting a job offer from such a huge company, I didn’t stop to think about whether I was excited about the job itself. I got caught up in the name. But the truth is, I wouldn’t love the work any more than I do now. Probably less. It wouldn’t fulfill me, not really, and it would take me so far away from everyone I love. I had blinders on. I think when a company with that kind of reputation shows interest in you, it’s hard not to want to drop everything to say, ‘I work there.’ It validates you. Showsyou’ve made it. But ... it’s not worth everything I’d have to give up. I wish I’d realized that sooner. And yeah ...” I add, softer now, “Clara’s part of the reason I don’t want to go. Of course she is. How could she not be?”
She doesn’t say anything for a moment, just watches me carefully. “You love her.”
It’s not a question.
I nod slowly. “Yeah. I do.”
Even if I’m not certain we can find our way forward romantically, I know one thing for sure: I am absolutely in love with her. I know it even now, in the way my heart pulls toward her even when we’re not speaking.
Loving her doesn’t require effort; it justis.
