Page 7 of Last First Kiss
We even took as many classes together as we could, practically fused at the hip, which, truthfully, was nothing out of the ordinary for us, but it intensified in college.
After my mom died, Alejandra and I grew so close that she was the only thing keeping me grounded. Cathia and Diana did, too. I don’t give them nearly as much credit as I should, but things with Cathia were tough at first. I didn’t want to let her in. She reminded me so much of what I’d lost that it was easier to latch on to Alejandra until it felt like she was the one steady thing I had left. Diana is a few years older than us, so she was doing her own thing, always checking in but never enough to lean on. Alejandra was the only person who made me feel my world wasn’t completely falling apart. For a long time, I thought that was why my relationship with her was so intense. Sometimes it felt like I needed her as much as I needed air.
Then it all clicked during our senior year of high school. That’s when I realized I was in love with Alejandra. Looking back, I think that realization is what sent my dating life into chaos. I was so desperate to distract myself, to find someone,anyone, who could get her out of my head, that I dated pretty much every cute girl who gave me the time of day. For a while, I thought it was working. But that illusion had completely shattered our junior year of college.
I had been on my way back to my dorm room when Alejandra had called me.
“Are you almost at our room? I need you.”
“I’m going up the stairs,” I said. “I’ll be there in a second.”
“Hurry,” she whined.
When I stepped into our room, she was standing in front of a large mirror, wearing a flowy dress, looking like something out of a dream. The soft lace and satin hugged her curves perfectly. For a moment, I forgot how to breathe. My arms turned to jelly, and my books thudded to the floor.
The dress looked as if it had been made for her; it was perfect.Shewas perfect.
I’d seen Alejandra dress up plenty of times before, but this was different; she was going on a date with Mia. A girl from our English class, junior year, who had made googly eyes at Alejandra the moment we’d walked into the room. As much as I hated to admit it, Mia was beautiful and—at least on the surface—seemed genuinely nice. But no matter how hard I tried, she’d never liked me, and I’d never liked her. Five years after their first date, Mia had broken Alejandra’s heart so badly that I wasn’t sure she would ever recover—sometimes I still don’t know if she will.
My eyes lingered on Alejandra’s body, tracing every inch of her; looking away wasn’t even an option. In that moment, all the feelings I’d been desperately trying to bury came rushing back.
“Will you—” Alejandra turned and pointed at the zipper on the back of her dress.
I tried to move closer to help her, but my mind was elsewhere. All I could focus on was how the fabric clung to Alejandra, making me ache to touch her, my fingers burning with the need to touch her skin.
Alejandra’s eyes met mine in the mirror, and the second her mouth ticked up in a smirk, a rush of warmth spread through me, and a knot tightened in my chest. I hadn’t meant to stare so intensely, but I couldn’t help it.
“I hope Mia looks at me the way you are right now,” Alejandra said nervously.
“I don’t see how she couldn’t,” I said shyly, throwing on my best poker face. “You’re stunning.”
“Thank you.” Alejandra’s lips curved into a soft smile, still waiting for me to step closer.
When my legs finally decided to cooperate, I walked up behind her, my fingers brushing against the zipper of her dress, feeling the heat of her skin beneath the thin fabric. I didn’t know if Alejandra could sense the slight tremble of my hands, and I didn’t care. All I could think about in that moment was how close we were, how much I wanted to be unzipping this dress instead of zipping it, and how much I hated the thought of her sitting across from Mia all night, and everything that would come afterward.
I wanted to tell Alejandra to stay. To choose me. To give us a chance. But I didn’t say a word. Because along with the terrifying truth of my feelings came a painful realization. These feelings could ruin everything between us. If I said the wrong thing—if I made it weird—I could lose her.
And that scared the hell out of me.
I wanted her badly, fully, but not at the cost of losing her completely. Because it wasn’t just the friendship I’d be risking—it was her. The way she laughed when she was caught off guard, the way being near her made everything better. Not to mention possibly ruining my relationship not only with her but also with Cathia and Diana. The only family I had left aside from Isabella, Valeria, and Lily.
Nothing, not even the chance at something more, felt worth risking what we already had.
So I swallowed down this beautiful, terrifying truth and decided to keep it buried. Forever. Even if it destroyed me.
I don’t regret that decision. But it still sucks. As her bestfriend, I want her to find that, but as someone who’s in love with her, I don’t.
I keep telling myself that her dating around is a good thing, and part of me believes it. The rest of me doesn’t know how to make peace with it—but I’d better figure it out fast, because a few days ago, Alejandra told her grandma she didn’t want to date anymore, which has put my timeline on a fast track.
Now her grandma has taken it upon herself to find Alejandra the perfect woman, and my window to make peace with it is getting smaller and smaller.
CHAPTER THREE
ALEJANDRA
Ishould’ve known Lala—my grandma—was up to something the moment she called me by my full name.
“Alejandra Lucía Merlin,” she’d sung in that sweet, raspy voice of hers. “I have a surprise for you.”
