Page 47 of Last First Kiss
“It’s—” I try to swallow the lump in my throat so I can speak, but it won’t budge. “It’s nothing.” I force the words past and take in a big breath before stepping back and letting go of Alejandra’s waist. I close my eyes, trying to ignore the tingle in my fingers. “I think I need air.”
I squeeze her hand and walk toward the balcony, ignoring Patty yelling for me not to leave the dance floor.
Alejandra trails after me. I don’t know if I want her to, but I don’t say anything.
The second I step out, I take in a deep breath and lean against the railing. Alejandra’s arms wrap around my waist, and immediately, my muscles relax. I’ll never understand how her touch can have this effect.
“I’m sorry,” she says, leaning into my back.
“About?” I chuckle lightly and turn to look at her, confused. What could she possibly be sorry for?
“I don’t know. I worry I made you uncomfortable back there,” she says, not looking back at me.
I gently lift Alejandra’s chin until her eyes meet mine. The moment they lock, something in me settles. My panicsoftens, and instinctively, I slip into best-friend mode, wanting to fix whatever weirdness bubbled up between us. That steadiness makes it easier to speak.
“No, you didn’t, you could never.”
“Then what happened?”
I trail my thumbs along her hip, trying to calm myself before speaking, rubbing over the silk of her shirt, but it isn’t working. Fuck, why is silk her favorite fabric? Why can’t she wear something that doesn’t make me want to rub myself all over her? Like wool or polyester.
“Please ... just tell me,” she whispers.
“I’m nervous. What happens after? What if we realize it was a big mistake, and things get weird?”
“What if they don’t? What if it’s amazing?” Alejandra counters. But even though I want to believe her—I do—my instincts won’t let me.
“That doesn’t scare you?” The tension from earlier starts to creep back in, bubbling under my skin, radiating through me in slow waves.
“It does.” She steps closer. “A lot, but I also want to give whatever this is a shot.”
“But why? You never have before—why now?” I ask, almost desperate for the answer. Wanting it to change my mind.
“I don’t know, it feels right. Maybe you don’t, but I’ve finally realized that everyone was right. You’re a lot more than my best friend, and I want to explore that. We don’t have to move fast, we don’t have to do anything now. We can feel it out.” Alejandra steps forward, sending my heartbeat thundering in my chest.
How can she say all this out loud as if it’s nothing, as if it’s easy? I’ve been tangled up in this foryears, trapped in my own head, too scared to say anything, too afraid ofwhat it might ruin. And here she is, laying it all out like it’s the simplest thing in the world. I don’t know whether I’m in awe of her or downright terrified, but with the way my heart is thrumming against my chest, I think it’s the latter.
“What if we mess up our friendship?”
“That could never happen,” she murmurs as she inches closer.
“You don’t know that.”
“Yes, I do.” She smiles so confidently that I almost believe her. But still, I can’t risk it. Not when I don’t know what it will do to us or me. Not when everything could change with a single kiss. What if I kiss her and she realizes she doesn’t feel the same? What if this moment, this thing between us, disappears the second I do it? I don’t think I could handle that.
Alejandra slips her hand into mine and gives it a gentle, reassuring squeeze. The fear doesn’t vanish, but it softens enough to breathe again.
“Do you promise?” I ask nervously, giving her one last chance to stop me before I cross this line, because with everything she’s saying, I don’t think I’ll be able to stop myself. I can feel my apprehension waning with every step she takes and every reassuring word she says.
She brings my hand to her lips and whispers, “I promise” against my skin before pressing a featherlight kiss to my knuckles. My heart tightens, and a swarm of butterflies stirs in my chest.
I cup her face gently, without thinking, purely on instinct. I brush my thumb against her bottom lip, and my breath comes in quicker than before.
“I shouldn’t,” I breathe, even as my body forgets how to mean it.
“Tell me to stop and I will,” Alejandra says, her voice catching at the end.
Her eyes lock on to mine with such intensity that it makes the decision far easier as a wave of desire comes over me. And finally, after all these years of wanting and waiting, I give in, leaving behind the logic that’s tried so hard to protect me.
