Page 38 of Last First Kiss
“What did you say?” I ask, a flicker of panic in my voice.
Clara grins. “Relax, I told her I was here with you.” She pauses, then adds with a mischievous smirk, “But maybe I’ll give her a call once you and I break up.”
All the warmth drains from my body.
“You okay?” she asks, as she tucks a strand of hair behind my ear.
I nod. But my eyes sting. I bury my face in her neck, trying to get as close to her as possible, to let the smell of her soothe whatever fucked-up emotions are coursing through me right now, the way it has countless times before. But I don’t think anything could help right now, not when I’m starting to realize that everyone in my life was right about what Clara means to me, how they knew even before I knew myself. Now, with Clara’s arms around my waist, her warmth seeping into my skin, I can’t believe I never saw it.
Suddenly, all my failed dates make sense. For so long, I blamed Mia and never looked for any other reason. Now I get it—my dates didn’t fail because she’d broken me toobadly for anyone else, or because the women I’d gone out with hadn’t been what I’d wanted. Most of them actually had been. The problem had been me; I’d kept looking for Clara in them, and when I couldn’t find her, I’d told myself the “vibe” had been off. But it hadn’t been the vibe. It was about her. It’s always been about her.
I had been so focused on finding someone who loved me the way Clara loved me that I’d never stopped to think that what I really wanted was for Clara to love me. To love me in all the ways she already did, but not as her best friend, even though it’s my favorite thing to be.
I don’t know how I missed it for so long. Because now it’s so clear and I feel so silly.
I’m not just comforted by Clara. I’m not just grateful for her. I have feelings for her, and somehow, it’s the clearest, most terrifying thing I’ve ever known.
CHAPTER TWELVE
CLARA
Ican sense there’s something Alejandra wants to say, but I don’t push. I hold her and lightly drag my fingers up and down her spine, trying to offer the tiniest bit of comfort I can.
She was fine a second ago. I don’t know what changed. Now she’s somewhere else entirely. Where? I have no idea, but I want to follow her there and pull her back if I can.
I wait a little longer, hoping she might speak, but when she doesn’t, I whisper, “Do you want to talk? What happened? Your whole mood changed out of nowhere.” I gently lift her chin so our eyes meet, and that seems to bring her back. She gives me a tiny smile before leaning into my palm, her face inches from mine.
“I ... I don’t know,” she murmurs, but it feels like a lie.
She leans further into my palm, and we stare at each other. Something flashes in her eyes—I don’t know exactly what—and I’m afraid to guess wrong because it almost looks like want.
Her eyes flicker between mine, then drop to my lips. My breath hitches, and hers comes in quicker than before.Her face is suddenly so close, all I can do is stare into her eyes. Alejandra slips her arm around my waist, pulling me gently toward her, and my lips part as a soft gasp escapes, like my body knows something my mind is still catching up to. Everything feels hazy and dreamlike.
Alejandra’s face is inching closer to mine, and the moment her perfume hits me, the air between us crackles. She nuzzles her nose against mine, and it’s so tender, it stirs a deep want in my chest. Her eyes hold mine, and my vision blurs. My heart starts beating wildly and unsteadily, and with her this close, I know she can feel it pounding through me.
“What’s going on?” I ask, my voice so quiet I barely recognize it as mine.
Alejandra and I rub noses all the time. It’s our thing. But this feels more intimate. Closer, somehow. Maybe it’s just me. Maybe I’m overthinking what’s supposed to be a simple, comforting moment. But my mind won’t stop telling me this isn’t like all the other times, that something about this closeness feels different, but it’s hard to trust it. I want to be objective about this, but it’s hard to focus when I swear she’s leaning in. Or am I?
Fuck, I can’t tell.
My breath picks up, and my fingers tingle with anticipation. I know I should lean back, I should stop this, but I can’t. My body has decided to ignore my brain. I lean in further, feeling the soft brush of her lips, ready to close the final distance, when Valeria rushes through the house.
“Oh. I’m sorry,” Valeria says, clearing her throat.
Alejandra pulls back so quickly that I barely have time to register the movement.
“No, no, it’s nothing,” she blurts out quickly, a nervous edge in her voice. She stands a little too fast andalmost trips as she walks toward Valeria and wraps her in a hug.
“Diana’s been waiting for you. Let me take you,” she says quickly.
Valeria turns to me, eyes so wide it should be physically impossible. I motion for her to go because I need a few minutes alone to process what almost happened.
She almost kissed me.
I’m not imagining that, right? I almost feel like I’m making it up. Like it was some sort of daydream. But it wasn’t, it almost happened, and the thought alone sends a rush swirling through me, like electricity sparking beneath my skin.
Fuck, now I’m going to be thinking about this all day. Just a brush of her lips made me feel so much. A need so deep that I don’t think I’ve ever experienced anything like it before. Between yesterday’s conversation and today, my mind is spinning.
