Page 52 of His Favorite Color is Blood
Misha gave him a playful punch in the hip. “I lied to you today.” He pulled on Grim’s hand, inviting him to bed.
Grim followed him like a wolf beckoned by a sheep’s bleating. “What? When?” All Misha had on was pajamas consisting of a tanktop and shorts, so Grim’s thoughts were beginning to scatter as soon as he sat on the warm mattress where Misha had been sleeping just moments ago.
“When I said I’ve never been in love.” Misha’s hold on Grim’s hand tightened, triggering an explosion of invading thoughts Grim wanted to push away.
“Gary?” he asked in the end.
Misha sat back, curling his stumps under his thighs. “No. I’m in love with you.”
Grim’s chest compressed, and he squeezed Misha’s hands, watching his handsome face in the dark. The declaration seemed to come out of nowhere, even if Misha was so comfortable around him lately. Grim didn’t believe anyone would ever say those words to him again, and yet there was nothing but sincerity in Misha’s eyes. He was overcome by a sense of painfuldéjà vuas he remembered that one moment in the tall grass with warm hands trailing along his jaw and soft lips whispering into his ear.
Grim swallowed hard, a bit lost in this new reality where an amputee offered him more than sexual gratification. “I’m no angel,” he said in the end. “There’s blood on my clothes right now, and there will be more of it in the future.”
Misha nodded, running his hands up Grim’s chest. “I know, but with the monsters still after me, I need a beast, not an angel.” He took a deep breath. “I loveyou, Logan. Not just the man who pampers me and brings me gifts, but all the messy bits too.”
Grim couldn’t breathe. It’d been a while since anyone called him by that name, and yet, it gave Misha’s words a completely new meaning. If Misha knew who he was, and what he’d done, he wasn’t only talking about the shadow that was Grim.
“How do you know ...?”
Misha pulled closer and hugged Grim’s midsection, putting his cheek over Grim’s heart. “I’ve heard one of the guys here say your name. I connected the dots. You wear a pendant with the bird skull.”
Grim shuddered as pain shot through the newly formed bruises on his body. “I killed the last I had of him.”
“You killed the bird?” Misha only hugged him tighter, and his Russian accent was like a melody in itself. “Why?”
Grim slid his arms around Misha and pulled him close, enjoying the firm hug that seemed to hold him in one piece. “I couldn’t stand that it got to live when Coy didn’t. That’s the only piece of him that I have. Everything else is gone.”
“It wasn’t your fault.” Misha kissed Grim’s pec, and Grim couldn’t imagine anything more soothing.
“It was. I was selfish and left him alone with those junkie fuckups. I could have carried him to safety if I was there. He had no one but me to rely on.”
“Everyone does … bad things sometimes, things they regret.” Misha’s fingers trailed along Grim’s sides. “You couldn’t have predicted any of it.”
“You say that, but you’ve never done anything like this. You were a victim.”
Misha didn’t answer, but Grim could hear his breath speed up. His voice came just when Grim was about to speak again. “I did. I’ve done something really bad that I can’t take back.”
Grim stared at him, surprised. “You did?”
Misha curled his shoulders. “I complied with a lot of things I was asked to do, and that’s one thing, but a few months ago, I did something horrible.” Misha pulled away and sat down. His lips shivered until he pressed them tightly together. “Gary passed a message to me from Zero. That he wanted me to talk to this guy online. I was to pretend I wanted to meet up and make him go to a certain spot so Zero and his men could take him. I talked to him face to face through webcam so many times. I smiled and told him that he was such a cool guy, that I wanted to meet up and talk, even though I knew he’d most likely suffer a horrific death. Fuck.” Misha rubbed his eyes and wouldn’t look up. “I’m a coward and a horrible person.”
Grim exhaled as shock curled around his muscles. “Why? Why did you do it?”
“Because otherwise Zero would come for me. So I pushed that boy under the bus out of selfishness, even though he was an innocent person and just wanted to meet me. I couldn’t bear seeing Zero again. I just couldn’t. And that guy could be getting tortured right now. Because of me.”
Grim’s mind exploded with a wave of hate he couldn’t contain. He punched the mattress, trying to calm down by slowing down his breathing. Zero. The fucker who tortured Misha. Who hacked his legs off and turned him into a bundle of anxiety. People like Zero, most of the time, got exactly what they wanted and advanced in the world. People with no conscience and no regrets. The true top predators that needed to be put down if they preyed on the weak.
He could only imagine Misha’s suffering at the hands of that maniac, fastened to some contraption, woken up every time he fainted—poked, prodded, and burned. Grim had seen too much fucked-up shit in his life to count, but this he couldn’t stand.
“Sometimes we can’t help the bad shit happening, even if we think we could have,” Misha whispered and looked up at Grim. “We only have what’s in front of us. I don’t see a monster in your mask. I only see my savior.”
Grim exhaled and pushed back Misha’s hair, petting his face as he kissed his forehead, the bridge of his nose, and his cheeks. As if any of this could ever erase the horror Misha had been through. He should have known something was off about Andrey. He never did live chats and only ever filmed inside his tiny room that didn’t get any daylight. Grim had only seen what he wanted to see, because he enjoyed Andrey too much to question the illusion.
“I’m sorry.”
“You don’t have to be. You made me feel alive again. You made mewantto be alive.” Misha entwined their fingers once more, and this time his hands were so warm Grim couldn’t help but feel a bit of relief. At least he hadn’t failed atthis.
“That won’t change. I’m here.”
