Page 89 of Wanted
“Give me three days, and I’ll be pulling my weight. We could take the jacket back to the store.” It was silly that he got talked into buying it in the first place, just because it looked cool. What a vain thing to do.
“You arenotreturning the jacket,” Liv snapped, bristling like a guard dog. “I got it for you so you’re warm and comfortable, and that’s final.”
Knox rolled his eyes. “Fine. At least I didn’t get blood all over it. Ezra would have lost his shit, because I’d have to ask him how to get it out. Remember how you cut your leg running away from some woman’s husband, and then you just said ‘fuck it’ and threw the jeans away?”
Liv’s eyes narrowed. “Yeah. I should have been more frugal. Saved up some money. You know, for things that are important.”
Knox shrugged. “Our Subaru is at the bottom of a reservoir anyway. But then again, if we both saved up more, maybe we could have left California sooner, and never gotten in trouble.”
“It’s not about the car. What I’m trying to say is that I should have taken better care of you, and helped you buy your meds instead of just spending everything I had right away.”
“My meds are not your responsibility.” The last thing Knox wanted was to add to Liv’s own burdens.
“Well, they should be. It’s about what you need versus what I wanted,” Liv said, leaning forward to look deep into Knox’s eyes. So deep in fact it almost felt intrusive.
“I was managing,” Knox insisted. “It’s just all harder now, but we’ve got each other’s backs. Took a bullet for you tonight, so you can do my laundry for a month.” He smiled to hide his nerves. Maybe they’d just never speak about what happened between them, forget about it, and things would be fine.
Liv was getting red in the face by the time Knox stopped talking, but once silence settled in the room, his warm brown eyes met Knox’s. “The doctor told me you need surgery.”
Knox never wanted Liv to treat him like some precious piece of porcelain that could crack at the tiniest push. Being here, in a hospital bed only made him feel weak and useless. And he couldn’t fix it with enough willpower. Something inside him was broken, and he didn’t have any control over it.
“He’s overreacting. I’m clearly fine. Other than the shoulder.”
“You’re not. Fucking. Fine, Knox,” Liv growled, twisting his lips. “Just admit it. I want to help. I would have tried to long ago if I knew!”
Knox swallowed, wishing he could hide from this conversation, but he was a cornered rat, and standing up would have probably been an issue now, let alone running.
So he did what a cornered animal would and lashed out.
“I have a fucked up heart, okay? I can’t afford the surgery and neither can you! I won’t have you wasting your life on paying for something that isn’t even your problem!”
“But it is!” Liv said, rising from the stool so fast it dropped to the floor, clattering loudly. “You’re my family. Myrealfamily, who’s actually there for me, and no matter how hard you push me away, I will always stay!”
Knox’s heart ached at Liv’s words. It was almost too much emotion. He couldn’t take it. And to make that painfully clear to both of them, the heart monitor sped up its beeping.
Knox bit the inside of his cheek, but even when he felt the tang of blood, tears still spilled down his cheeks. He was such a fucking crybaby. And over what?
“I don’t want to…” he sobbed, “be a burden to you.”
Silence. And then, Liv’s hip pushed against his, and warm arms scooped him close, monitoring cables and all.
It felt so overwhelming, yet he leaned close without thinking and put his head on Liv’s shoulder, seeking the comfort he didn’t deserve.
“Knox, you arenota burden,” Liv whispered into his hair, his voice soft yet so reassuring, so steady. “You are everything to me. How do you not see it?”
“Because I’m not.” And yet he still leaned into the hug, despite the pain in his shoulder, and despite knowing he shouldn’t. “You need things I can’t give you. You need a girl. And you’ll make some babies, and I’ll just be the fun uncle, and that’s okay.”
Liv shuddered. “Babies? Eww, when did I ever say I want babies? I already have you to take care of,” he said with a faint laugh.
Knox snorted despite his tears. “Dumbass. You know what I mean. You like girls. A lot. You always did. And maybe what we had was fun for you, but it won’t be enough, and we both knowit.” Even if saying it out loud was so painful he was surprised his voice didn’t crack.
“No it wasn’t. It wasn’tjust a bit of fun. I know I fucked up earlier, but I really fucking like you,” Liv whispered, tightening his hold around Knox as if he were afraid he’d run. Maybe he knew Knox better than Knox knew himself.
“What are you trying to say?”
Liv’s inhale was laborious, but he remained at Knox’s side and kissed the top of his head. “That I am full of shit. That I don’t think about stuff sometimes. That I act and only then say sorry. But don’t you ever think you’re not enough. Because today, waiting for you to wake up, I was thinking a whole lot, and yeah, I like girls. But I like you more. More than any girl. More than anyone.”
Knox dared look up into Liv’s eyes as his heart started to race again at the possibility of Liv wanting him for real. “Even though I’m a snivelling crybaby who punched you?”
