Page 65 of A Pawn in the Game
“I’m sorry. I was…” She takes my hand and my words die out.
“Let’s not go down that road. I needed something, and you made it happen. Besides, I can’t remember the last time I slept so well.”
A knot in my stomach unravels at her words. “I was worried. You were kind of out of it afterward. I don’t even know if you remember.” My voice is low.
“Yeah. I was out of it. But I don’t regret telling you everything. And I think being out of it is normal?” Her gaze drops to the side, and I notice her glancing at the book lying on the bedside table.
“What do you mean?”
“The books you gave me. They’re all connected to BDSM. It turns out spanking can be… healing. For trauma. I guess it can help you work through trauma.”
“That’s why you wanted me to spank you?”
“Yeah?”
“And it helped?” I know it should, but I want to make sure she doesn’t regret it.
“Have you heard the part where I had the best night’s sleep?”
“I did.”
“It makes sense, to be honest. It’s all hormonal. The pain helps flood my system with hormones, forcing bad memories to the back of my mind.”
I nod, but my feelings are conflicted. I know spanking can be freeing. I own a fucking sex club. But to know she only wanted it to help her sleep?
I’m her captor. But hearing her describe this as purely transactional sucks. Something happened last night. The little spot of need to protect her grew into a full-blown ball in my chest.
I cherished the way she trusted me. The way she let go in my arms. I cherished it as more than… relief.
This is better, of course. “Well, happy to help,” I say, swallowing my disappointment.
CHAPTER 33
Sophie
Luka leaves after breakfast, leaving me with Ivan again. He sits in a velvet armchair, one of the two which they brought down from upstairs.
Even though I feel safer when Luka’s here, a part of me is glad he had to leave. It gives me time to organize the massive mess that is my mind. I fluff the pillows as best as I can to make some support for my back and sit on the bed. The book on my lap serves as a cover, but my eyes aren’t focused on it.
My scientific mind now knows three things for sure.
First, spanking is an awesome relief from emotional trauma, just like the book in my lap suggested. The skin of my ass is still sensitive, but it’s much tamer than the wounds I’d inflict upon myself.
Second, I think I’ve bonded to Luka in some inexplicable way. On some subconscious level, I feel protected next to him. Like nothing could hurt me. It could be the small scraps of decency he’s shown me since I’ve been here, or his sheer size, but I don’t think that’s it. He wants to protect me. That part is still a hypothesis I haven’t fully tested, but it’s one I can’t expel from my brain.
Third, I can’t remember the last time I’ve felt so alive. It’s stupid. I’m held hostage in a sex dungeon. I was almost rapedonly two days ago. And somehow, my anxiety is lower than usual. My mind is quieter. My appetite is great. And my body is jittery with the need to work out, something that never happens organically.
Dropping the act, I close the book and put it aside, jumping down from the bed. Ivan glances up from his phone, surprised by my sudden movement.
“I’m going to work out a bit.” I point my thumb back and he looks at me with suspicion.
Luckily, he drops his gaze to his phone and I jump into a plank position. I hold it for 30 seconds, counting in my head before starting 12 reps of plank to push-ups. It’s possibly too much since I haven’t exercised in a while, but I’m pumped for this. A feeling I don’t remember.
Ivan eyes me with curiosity, yet I ignore him. Even though I’d prefer music, I let the sound of my breath lead me. After plank to push-ups, I continue with mountain climbers. My chest gets slick with sweat as my heartbeat picks up. I move on to regular push-ups and even though I had more things in mind, my body betrays me. Fifteen push-ups in, I drop to the floor, unable to lift myself back up.
“Shit,” I mutter, realizing that the floor is absolutely disgusting under my cheek. I jump to my feet and start for the bathroom.
The scalding water washes the sweat and dirt off me, my heart still pumping wildly. I dry myself with a towel, trying not to think of last night, when Luka was the one drying me off. Dressed in clean clothes, I exit the bathroom, only to find Ivan gone, Luka now sitting in his chair.
