Page 61 of A Pawn in the Game
He presses his phone to his ear, standing up and approaching the door. I put away the chess pieces, clear the table and get back to bed. I open the book in my lap, but I’m barely seeing the words before me.
If he can’t give me the choice of getting me out of here, where does that leave me?
I guess I’ll need to create that choice myself.
He finishes the call, and I head to take a shower and get ready for bed. It’s probably too early, but I don’t feel like doing anything else.
The thoughts have settled in my mind, meaning the panic has started running rampant again. Freshly showered, I lie on my back, staring at the place where the couch used to be. Moisture pools in the corners of my eyes, so I turn to my side. I’m now looking at Luka hunched over the tiny table, his body overpowering the poor chair.
“Do you plan to sleep here?” I ask, my voice quiet.
“Would you prefer I leave you alone?”
“No,” I blurt out. “But the chair doesn’t seem comfortable.”
He shrugs, not sparing a glance at me.
“You should sleep here. In the bed.”
Now he looks at me, his brows furrowed.
“I’ll be out soon. And won’t even know you’re here.”
Not that sleeping together would be a new thing. After all, we already did more than that. But none of us has mentioned it.
Naturally, I over-thought it. It’s why I decided to read these books, after all. They turned out to be a blessing in disguise. When Luka and I had sex, I wanted it to hurt. And when it did, I felt relief. I felt free. After just a couple of chapters, it made sense. It’s, in a way, a mechanism similar to my self-harming. Replacing emotional painwith physical. But nothing I ever did felt as good as whatever happened between us. It was also nothing like any previous sexual encounter I ever had. My brain was silent with the constant, nagging noise of my anxiety. And my body craves that feeling again.
Finally, he responds, “Fine.”
I dip my head, satisfied. Deciding it will make it easier to fall asleep, I turn to my other side, my head now facing the wall.
I start a breathing exercise to help me fall asleep.
Inhale for four.One, two, three, four.
Exhale for four.One, two, three, four.
Hold for four.One, two, three, four.
And again.
Inhale for four…
CHAPTER 30
Luka
Sophie falls asleep, and I release a relieved breath. She seemed on edge, which I hate to see.
It’s understandable, but I still hate it. From what I know about her, she’s a fighter. But it sucks she has to fight so much. I stretch my arms above my head, trying to relieve some of the pain in my back. Once you hit thirty, a wrong chair can be a trigger for your demise, and this small, ratty chair is certainly not doing me any favors. The stretch does nothing to help.
I guess I’ll join her sooner rather than later. My arms work on autopilot as I brush my teeth and slip my boots off. The floor is cold under my feet when I turn the main lights off and make my way to the bed. It’s huge, made to fit an orgy, but it still feels intimate, sleeping next to her. Drawing the comforter up, I slip under the cover, careful not to disturb her. I barely suppress a groan when my back hits the surprisingly good mattress. The relief in my spine is instant. I relax in a second and my lids grow heavy. And just as I feel myself drifting off to sleep, a sudden noise jolts me awake.
I jerk my eyes open, trying to get a grip on my surroundings, only to realize it’s Sophie.
“No! Please, no!” escapes her on a cry.
Another nightmare.I will my heart to calm down, knowing that there’s no real danger present. Still, my heart doesn’t budge, unsettled by Sophie’s frightened sobs. Her nails dig into her other hand, leaving angry red marks. I exhale a shaky breath before putting a hand on her shoulder.
