Page 89 of The Opposite of Romance
“You ok?” Logan asks, drawing soothing circles on my back, while we wait for the host.
“Yeah…”
“Good evening! You have a reservation?” The host greets us.
I look around, noticing it’s pretty full. It was the thoughts that counts. But Logan surprises me, saying, “Yes. Chase.”
“Great. After me, please.”
“When did you make this reservation?” I whisper to Logan.
“When you told me about the nomination.”
“You couldn’t have known I was going to win.” I certainly hadn’t known.
He shrugs his shoulders again. “I thought a nomination was big enough to celebrate. Even if they’d be stupid enough not to pick your book.”
I come to a halt, my body refusing to move. What he’s saying. He’s not making sense. I was so used to my pride being squashed that I stopped priding myself on these things.
“Sadie, are you ok? Was this a bad idea?” His shyness turns to concern, his brow furrowing.
“No, it was a great idea. A thoughtful, perfect idea.”
The host seats us at a table in the very corner of the restaurant, handing us the menus. Logan thanks him while I’m still stuck in my head.
Chapter Thirty-Four
LOGAN
She’ssilent for a few moments before clearing her throat.
“I’m sorry. You must be confused,” she says. “This was kind of a shock to me.”
“Don’t worry about it. It was a silly little thing.”
“No!” Her voice rises, so she looks around before dropping it back down. “It wasn’t a silly little thing. It’s just…” She sighs. “I’m not used to these things. I’ve only been divorced a few months, but I haven’t been cared for in a long time.”
She stares at me with glossy eyes, and a knot forms in my stomach. “I hope you know you deserved much more.” It kills me to know she was unhappy. It kills me to know she was overlooked and ignored.
“Yeah, maybe.” She gives me a self-deprecating smile. “You get used to it after a while. And I think that’s the worst part.” Her gaze drops to the glass of water in front of her, like keeping eye contact would be too hard.
“What do you mean?”
“You get used to disappointments to the point they turn small. And then you’re thinking, why am I angry about these tiny things? Why would I leave because of these stupid tiny things?”Her hand wraps around the glass, gently rocking it. “It’s like… I can’t get a divorce because he hasn’t kissed me when he came home, or because he hasn’t told me he loved me in a week. That would be stupid. But then one day turns into a month and a month turns into a year. And you’re starving and you’re desperate, but it’s only a kiss, you know? It’s just an ‘I love you’. Not a reason to end a marriage.” Her eyes lift to mine, now completely blurred. “It’s easier to die in a crash than to wither from a poison that’s slowly killing you.” Her words send a chill down my spine. “I’m probably not making any sense.”
I know exactly what she’s talking about. “You are. My parents have a relationship like that.” Her eyes widen before she drops her gaze. “I never really verbalized it as well as you did, but they are unhappy. And I noticed it. Every day, I saw my mom trying to get scraps of attention. And I saw her disappointment when she didn’t even get that. My father isn’t a bad man. He wasn’t even a bad father. But he’s not a good husband. I would sometimes hope that they argue about something, anything, so that she’d get anything from him. Even hate.” I plant my hand on hers to make her look up. “So what you did, leaving? That was the best fucking thing you could have done. Your kids deserve more than to see you poisoned to death.”
She shoots me a sad smile. “Sorry to have ruined your surprise.”
“You’ve ruined nothing. I appreciate you sharing that with me.”
“This was supposed to be a celebration.”
“It is. We’re celebrating the fact that you are an exceptional writer who got an award. And you’re also a powerhouse who realized she deserves to be happy. We actually doubled the cause for celebration.”
Her lips turn up, finally, before she opens the menu. I really do appreciate her sharing that with me. Despite that, it fills me with dread. There’s a rock in my stomach, and a fire in my chest, anger and sadness battling inside of me. It makesme mad to know her ex-husband treated her that way. It also makes me want to show her how much she’s worth for the rest of her life.
I know she’s been hurt. I know she’s scared to let anyone in because the last time she did, she disappeared. Disappeared in the background noise, which sometimes can be a punishment worse than death. And I know I need to take it slow, give her time, even though I’d want nothing more than to rush into things with her.
