Page 74 of Give Me a Chance
MATT
Idrive home emotionally spent and hoping that letting me know she got home alive isn’t too much of a commitment in her warped heart.
Sleep evades me as I lie in my bed battling the flood of disappointment coursing through me. I really hoped we were getting somewhere. But she’s right, I wasn’t listening to what she was saying. I had no right to ask of her what she repeatedly said she wasn’t willing to give.
My phone vibrates with a text.
Natalie: Home
One word. No punctuation. No emojis. But it’s enough for my heart to settle down, knowing she’s safe, and I fall asleep.
“How’s Natalie?Is she feeling better?” Mom asks me when I join her for our Saturday lunch.
“Probably,” I shrug.
“What do you mean? You didn’t take care of her? I thought I raised you better than that.”
“It’s not like that. We were not like that. We were just casual.” The words taste rotten in my mouth.
“Ooh, you were beneficiaries? I heard about it,” she asks proudly, and I huff out a laugh, despite my somberness.
“Friends with benefits. And yeah. We were.”
“So, what happened?” She pokes at her plate, pretending to be interested in it.
“She decided it got too serious for her.” There’s nothing more to tell.
“Why wouldn’t she want more with you?” Typical mom, expecting the world to love me like she does.
“She doesn’t do more. Period. It doesn’t have anything to do with me.” It’s a poor man’s comfort. It doesn’t make me feel any better.
Mom’s brows pull together for a second, like she’s thinking it through.
“Look, Mom. Let’s just let it go. For some unknown reason, she doesn’t do more than casual, and there’s nothing to do about it.”
“It must be a good reason.” She nods. “She’s consciously avoiding a lot of beautiful things, just to keep her heart safe. Someone must have done a number on her.” My mom understands, completely. She never had a real relationship after my dad left. She probably didn’t have the time. But she has it now.
“Why didn’t you ever get back out there?” I ask.
“It’s hard.” She scoffs. “To survive, you hide your heart far away from anything that could hurt it. By the time you’re over the hurt, your heart is so far off no one could reach it. It would take a special person to bring the heart out of the cage.” Shelooks at me pointedly. I appreciate her believing in me, but I’m obviously not that person for Natalie.
No matter how much I want to be.
“Thanks, Mom. For the talk, and for everything you did for us.”
“You were what made me survive. I should be thanking your sister and you.” She smiles at me.
The talk with my mom confirmed what I already thought. She was hurt. And this is her way of not getting hurt again. And she built her walls so far up, I have no idea how to cross them. How to show her I would never ever hurt her.
At work,the silent treatment between us is almost unbearable. On the one hand, we’re so busy with last preparations for the gala I don’t have a lot of time to dwell on it. On the other hand, we’re forced to cooperate more.
She looks amazing in her tight wool dress, fierce and put together, not like she’s been questioning her decision the whole weekend—which might have been what I was hoping for. She’s also back to being hostile toward me. Terse responses and glares don’t go unnoticed by others, so it doesn’t come as a surprise when Anne pulls me into the break room, and I find Rina and Natalie already inside.
“We staged this intervention,” Anne starts, when Rina cuts in.
“What the hell is up with you two?”
“Nothing.” Natalie shrugs. “We used to have sex, now we don’t anymore. End of story.” Her words pierce through my chest.
