Page 31 of Give Me a Chance
16
MATT
Ihate myself as I walk away. Being a big fan of cuddling after sex, this distant approach is killing me.
I want her in my bed, her wild hair spilling over my chest as she uses me as a pillow. I want her scent to seep into my sheets, leaving me a part of her when she’s gone.
Though, I also know she would run for the hills if I suggested any of that. So, I swallowed my aftercare needs to respect her boundaries, and I don’t regret it. Lying in my bed, alone, I know it was the right choice.
Even if the house is too quiet, the bed is missing her softness, and her scent washed away by my shower, I know it was the right choice.
Just like googling breath play was the right choice. Fuck, the way she came all over my cock, harder than ever, was mind-blowing. The way she trusted me with her safety, with her life, it’s a gift. A gift I’m not sure I deserve, but I sure as hell don’t plan to return.
I spendSaturday morning cleaning the entire house. I love to clean, but with me being away most of the time, there isn’t a lot to do. It’s a silly thought, wishing to have more messes to clean, but the lack of it is another reminder of my lonely house.
Luckily, I don’t have the whole day to wallow in my loneliness because I’m going to a game with Connor and Eric. Spending half of my life in hockey, I’ll always love it. And although I never got into the pros, I still enjoy watching them.
Connor avoided my calls to join me for games for over two years—after a tragic injury cost him his hockey career, but ever since he got a hockey-crazed stepson, he’s been in the stands. Now, it’s become tradition for the three of us to watch the Seattle Glaciers games as much as we can.
Eric and Connor are already there when I arrive, Eric waving at me with a big foam finger, wearing his Glaciers jersey. Connor and I aren’t wearing jerseys, being fans of the game, not of one particular team.
As usual, we get three hot dogs, two with mustard and one with ketchup, two beers, and an iced tea. The whole thing is a practiced routine and I love our little tradition.
“Dad and I went skating today,” Eric informs me.
“Really? How was it?”
“I scored three goals on him.” His lips turn up in a proud smile. Connor isn’t his biological dad, but there’s no way to tell. They’ve been two peas in a pod ever since they’ve met.
“Wow, I guess I’ve been teaching you right.” I high five him while Connor rolls his eyes.
“What? You want me to show you a couple of tricks too? I think I have an opening in my under 6 group.” I goad Connor.
“Very funny,” he responds.
“I thought so.”
Eric is deeply engrossed in the game, so Connor nudges my shoulder and quietly adds.
“What’s going on with you and Natalie?”
“Nothing much,” I respond, my voice higher than intended.
He gives me a pointed look, so I continue.
“Uhm, we may have had some more...encounters.” I shrug, playing it cool.
“Really? What are you? Friends with benefits?”
“Pretty sure she’d kill me if I suggested that.” I snicker. “I’m not sure what we are. I guess we’re friends now. We work together well. And we’re obviously attracted to each other, so we tend to get caught in the crossfire, even if we don’t mean to.”
“And how are you dealing with something so painfully . . . casual?”
“Good, I guess. It’s weird, but worth it.”
“That’s what I’ve been telling you for years, man. Sex without feelings can be amazing.” My eyes drop to the side.
“Fuck. Itiswithout feelings, right?” he asks after noticing my weird look. I shrug, unable to say what he’s asking for.
