Page 16 of Devil Bound
Sadly, sexual energy didn’t easily translate into baking energy, and with the boner I had from watching Nelly buy six apples, it was a very uncomfortable trip back home.
8
Lionel
About a year ago.
“IthinkwhatIreally need,” I told Dr.Lily, “is to get laid.Like, properly.Maybe get a little buzzed, you know, so it’s not as awkward.And then just go for it.Right?”
Dr.Lily had completely redecorated Dr.Albert’s old office, and it was such an improvement.Things were purple and blue now, and she burned incense sticks every day.The furniture was comfortable.Calling her Dr.Lily wasn’t weird at all, even if she was giving me The Look when she met my eyes over her clipboard.
“Let’s unpack this,” she said.
Uh-oh.“Do we have to?”
She smiled at me.“Oh yes, we do!Why do you think drunk sex is the answer?”
I couldn’t hold her gaze.“I never asked a question.You wanted to know why I fainted the other day, I told you it was the blood from when Christine shot our guy in the throat, and then you went on about anxiety.I don’t have anxiety.I told you that.”
She tapped the tip of her ballpoint pen on her clipboard.The pen was a talisman, actually, but well made so no one who came to see her was going to freak out over it.No regular person who would freak out over a magic user shrink, anyway.I thought the pen tapping was pretty unsettling.
“All right, point taken.Still, let’s talk about the casual sex.You’re not the relationship type?”
Fuck.Dr.Lily was an assassin who was apparently able to hit her mark blind.
“Well…casual is good, right?”
“If both parties are looking for the same thing, sure, it can be good.”
“Okay then.”
She tapped her ballpoint pen again.Clearly she was gearing up for Halloween later in the month.
“And you find handling a one-night stand easier after you’ve had something to drink?”
I shrugged.“Don’t we all?”
She opened her mouth, but her little alarm went off; a wooden bird that sat on her desk and was enchanted to sing when the forty-five minutes I had to spend with her once a month were up.
I stood.“Well, I’ll see you next month.”
Her mouth wrinkled.“Yes, please.And, Lionel, I want you to be safe, okay?”
“I know how to put a condom on a banana, Doc.”
I hid my blush with a smirk.She was probably doubting the veracity of that statement, but I really did know.I also knew you didn’t only protect fruit with condoms.
“I don’t just mean that.I also mean…” She groaned.“My mom likes to say your heart can be made a weapon if you give it to the wrong person.”
“That’s where the casual comes in.Look, I really have to go.Bye now.”
I got clear of her office without an issue, and from there, I headed right to the cafeteria downstairs.In the elevator, it occurred to me that I probably shouldn’t talk about my love life with anyone.It was nonexistent anyway, so there was no reason to bother people with its absence.
As if some grander power in the universe had heard my thoughts, the sight that greeted me when I walked into the cafeteria nearly knocked me on my ass.
There, looking at the apples they’d started selling about two years ago, stood none other than the Devil his own damn self.
I had no chance to escape unseen, because he turned, his sapphire eyes lighting up when he saw me.
