Page 21 of A Subtle Scar
He was heading toward a car, and I could run to catch up with him or I could teleport to him, but those were moves that made me look creepy. It was no good. My plan had been to knock on his office door—or his cubicle wall. I didn’t actually know where he worked since the obstinate humans inside had refused to tell me, and TV shows had only taught me so much about the FIS.
Either way, I would have knocked, would have started an innocent conversation, and then I’d have leaned against his desk. My T-shirt was short and fit like a second skin, and anyone with anything going on between their legs would have felt something if I’d sat on their desk. Even the uniformed security person with the tight ponytail in there had reacted to me, and I hadn’t even beentryingto impress her.
Chandler would have been mine before he’d have to clock out.
But now that wasn’t going to happen. In fact, he was pulling out of his parking spot.
I shrugged. Above me, I heard the telltale noises of claws against bark.
“Fuck, I’m leaving, all right? I’m following that human, squirrel, so stop throwing your leftovers at me, damn it.”
The stupid, bushy-tailed hamster didn’t listen. It almost hit me in the eye with the second hazelnut before I teleported out of there.
I had no idea what Chandler was doing at an outdoor market, but I knew who to call now, because if there was one person who excelled at all kinds of shopping, it was Trony.
“No, I will not give you Chandler’s address, because he is too good for you two idiots,” the angel said.
“Hah! My quest to win the human is almost at an end without your help,” I said.
There was silence on her end. “He has agreed to give you his attention?”
I frowned. “Well, almost. I just…wanted to ask for your help. In the ways of pursuing a human at an outdoor grocery market. I know a shopping cart collision is charming, but there are no shopping carts here.”
“This is not the first reel of a romcom, Hermes. Go rub one out in the bushes.” I could hear her turn up her nose at me. “He is too good for you. He took his shoes off, after he asked about it and noticed the pristine condition of my floors. He brought me chocolates. Hermes, you should be with someone less…wonderful.”
“But you don’t—”
“Goodbye, Hermes,” Trony said. And hung up on me.
“Well, fuck my luck.”
“Language,” said a tiny older lady with a poodle on a leash. The poodle glowered at me, growled, and flashed its teeth. I could have ended the beast with a kick, but obviously, I showed restraint.
“Yes, that was language,” I told her, which gave me her evil eye and an idea.
I went into my contacts and pulled up Lucy while following Chandler through the market at a distance.
“What now? Do you want to stress again that you simply took great care in making your bed this morning and that you definitely did not spend the night in another’s?” Lucy asked.
“Forget about the bed,” I said. “I need your help.”
“With?”
“With the human, obviously.”
Lucy hissed into the phone. “You have as long as it takes Nelly to saddle his pegasus, because he wants to fly out, and he is still slightly worried about dropping out of the saddle.”
“Fine, so tell me how to romance a human. You read all those novels, right? I’m at an outdoor market in some park, and he’s—” I craned my neck. “Oh, fuck.”
“Fuck, what?”
“Well, he’s talking to an herb witch, that little fucker.”
“Hermes, I will not tolerate you calling Chandler a little anything, because he’s Nelly’s friend, he likes me, and I need all of Nelly’s friends to like me very much. Which makes me very satanic on their behalf,” Lucy said, and what kind of logic was that? But the Devil had always been stubborn.
“I meant the fucking herb witch. He’s flirting with Chandler. What do I do?”
“Hmm. You could try what I did with my Nelly. Get close to him—Chandler, not the herb witch—and wait as long as it takes him to say something along the lines of, he will owe you a favor. Or even better, get him to ask you for a deal. I cannot stress how important binding deals are in the furthering of any intimate relationship.”
