Page 100 of Guiding Desire
WhenSenlasheardadoor from the back, he thought it was Taros at first, but before he even had to turn, he could tell it was Orrey. Possibly that was because he knew the sounds of Taros’s footfalls, but then, Guardians had left dozens of posts about how their powers responded so much to their imprinted that they could feel spatially where the imprinted was in relation to them.
Senlas had never heard about that, then again, imprinting was covered in a more general way at school, focusing on legal ramifications and how one should manage their life together with their Conduit. And of course how much an imprinted Conduit could boost one’s powers.
“Did you rest well, kitten?” Senlas asked without turning, though he couldn’t bear not looking at Orrey for longer than maybe two seconds.
Orrey’s face brightened when their eyes met. “Yes, thank you. I…had a question. And a request. I’d like to start with that.”
Which was everything it took for Senlas to climb over the backrest of the couch and make his way straight to Orrey. “Anything. Name it.”
“I’ve been thinking. I don’t know if you think me silly for it, but at every point in my life before all this, I knew everything. I mean, noteverythingeverything, but I knew what life was and how I wanted to live it, what I needed to do in order to live it like that. I knew the walls keep us safe and that I never wanted to go outside them, and I knew what my job was as a protector.
“I don’t know anything anymore, other than that I need to protect you. Most of all, I don’t know how to be what you need me to be. I’ve been so self-absorbed with everything that’s happened, with every revelation, that I forgot about you, an S-classer who has to deal with someone completely untrained and ignorant.” He looked at the ground. “I think when Alesa made fun of me, whatever his plan is, that bit was genuine and just.”
“Kitten—”
“Stop. I need to finish. Maybe I’m making a mistake, but I have to trust in something, and I can’t see what that is right now. But I see you. And whatever else is true or false, that you imprinted on me means I am for you. I’d like to trust you. And for you to teach me everything I don’t know. I won’t question anything, and I won’t do anything you don’t want me to, be it having sex with others or talking about people living outside the walls. In return, can you promise me that if anything ever happens to me, you’ll help my parents not be too sad about it?”
Senlas stood there, mouth agape. He couldn’t have been more dumbstruck if Orrey had come out here to slap his face.
“Orrey.” He wasn’t even sure how to begin.
“Please. I think I can do what you need me to, be who you need me to if I just know you’ll help them be fine. I wouldn’t be so—it would be a goal. And I know I want to live my life with a goal.”
Senlas frowned. Then he did something he hated himself for the moment it was out of his mouth, and said, “Yeah, okay. Fine.” He hugged Orrey to him. “But, kitten, there’s a fucking but here, and we are going to talk about whatever weird thinking you’ve been doing all alone in your room when you should have been getting some rest.”
“Not now, please.”
Senlas wanted to protest, but he felt Orrey going soft in his arms, which melted any resolve he’d felt. “Fine. Not now. You said you also had a question?”
“Ah. Yes. Would you consider not calling me ‘kitten?’ Maybe just in front of others?”
“Why? Don’t you like it? I like calling you that. No one else does.”
“I don’t not like it, but…my concern is that maybe an S-classer’s Conduit shouldn’t respond to ‘kitten’ in public.”
Senlas chuckled, breathed in Orrey’s scent. “In that case, I’ll keep calling you that. Fuck everyone else. I mean, obviously don’t fuck anyone else, but stop giving a Hound-fucking thought as to what they are thinking. Okay?”
Orrey sighed. “I’d said I’d trust you; okay.”
“You really are a kitten. Can I ask a question too?”
“Of course.”
Senlas rubbed his chin over Orrey’s short hair. “You haven’t talked about me being a coma dream in a while. You’re over that, right?”
Orrey giggled. “If you are a coma dream, it doesn’t matter if I lie to you. Or answer you. Believe what you want.”
Senlas snorted. “See? You are playing with me like a horn kitten with a summer bug. Would you like dinner now?”
Orrey pulled back. “I’d not mind that. Should we wake Taros?”
Senlas shrugged. “He’ll join us eventually. While I heat up something, how about you decide what we’re streaming while we eat?” Senlas considered. “Or would you prefer eating at the counter?”
Orrey shrugged. “No, the couch is fine. Some brainless drama sounds really good, actually. I’ll do my best in picking one out.”
While Orrey settled on the couch, SenlasLiftedthe poetry book from the desk, and while he walked into the kitchen, heDroppedit in Orrey’s lap. Orrey still got a little jumpy about that, but it was cute and thus worth it.
“What’s this?”
