Page 40 of Stripping Little Seraphina
My throat closed, tears burning my eyes. “It’s not a phase or a game, mother. It’s who I am.”
“Enough!” she snapped. “I won’t have you embarrassing us with this nonsense.”
I hung up before she could say more. My hands shook as I tossed the phone onto the bed. My chest heaved like I’d run for miles.
I neededher.
I needed Daddy.
I grabbed my phone and hit call on her contact. Straight to voicemail.
Once. Twice. Three times.
“Please call me.” Was the first message I left.
“I need you.” The second.
“Where are you?” The third.
Nothing.
The silence stretched until it felt like it would kill me. My chest squeezed tighter and tighter. I curled up on the bed with my stuffed bear, tears running hot and fast. My head screamedwith all the old lies:you’re too much, you’re too needy, no one wants to deal with you.
And she wasn’t here. She wasn’t answering. I tried to relax, but I spiraled, feeling disappointed in myself for dreaming and believing, then in her because right now she felt like everyone else. Not here when I needed them to be.
By the time the cabin door opened that night, I was hollow and trembling.
“Sera?” Her voice filled the house, low and warm, but all I felt was rage.
The entire place was dark and I laid in bed drowning in it.
Daddy turned on the lights, illuminating the cabin as she made her way through. She stepped inside the bedroom, looking exhausted, and I hated that. Hated that she still looked so good when my whole world was burning.
“Babygirl?” Daddy dropped everything and rushed over to me. “What’s wrong?”
“You didn’t answer,” I spat, my voice raw from crying.
Her brows pulled together. “Babygirl, I told you I had an emergency. My phone was off while I?—”
“I called you over and over, and you didn’t care!” My voice cracked, too loud. “You don’t have space for me in your life. You left me the second something more important came along!”
Her mouth pressed into a firm line. “Little one, I can’t be in two places at once. If you needed me, you should’ve said so in your text messages.”
“Icalled! I said I needed you! And you still weren’t there!”
Tears blurred my vision, hot and violent. My body shook as I hurled the words at her, each one heavier than the last.
Her voice dropped, firm but careful. “Sera. Stop. You have to trust me when I tell you that Iwillshow up for you—if you communicate clearly. Screaming at me isn’t fair. Especially if you called while I was on the plane. If I would have known thatyou called, I would have answered. I would’ve called back.” She showed me her phone and it was dead.
I didn’t care. None of that mattered because I was indeed losing my parents, and there was nothing that anybody could do about it. The problem wasn’t that Daddy was off seeing about Emerson, the problem was that I was here handling this alone and I had no idea how to cope with this kind of loss. Breathing hadn’t worked, my calming methods hadn’t. And when she hadn’t answered… it had become too much.
I broke, sobbing so hard I could barely breathe. I hated her for being the voice of reason. I hated myself for needing her so badly. I hated everything.
And I wasn’t sure if she’d stay. I wasn’t sure if I would. I jumped up out of bed, went into my clubhouse and slammed the door closed. Screw it all.
I didn’t hold back as I cried. Not the screams, groans, or the hiccups. I wrapped my arms around myself and rocked back and forth until I let out every bit of grief that I’ve carried. I ignored the knocks to the door. I didn’t bother listening to her as she tried to talk to me through the cracks. Instead, I dove so far inside myself that I didn’t know if I would ever come out.
I love me, even if nobody else does.
