Page 47 of Heirs and Graces at Highland Hall
He lifted his head. Every part of his face, from the desperation in his eyes to the way he parted his lips, was full of remorse. ‘I’m sorry. I really am.’ He moved as if he was going to take a step towards her, only to stop and shake his head. ‘I just lost it. I was terrified, and I was furious, and I shouldn’t have been. I know I shouldn’t have. I’m sorry.’
She let out a slight scoff. ‘The things you said, Duncan… they were horrible.’
‘I know, and it’s not an excuse, but you scared the life out of me, Bex. I’ve never felt like that. I didn’t know it was possible to feel that way.’
As much as she didn’t want to, Bex knew the feeling he was talking about. It sounded remarkably like the fear that had flooded her when she’d been out in the cold; the strength seeping from her body as she thought she was never going to get another chance to speak to him. That had terrified her too. She opened her mouth to respond to him, but he continued, his voice trembling.
‘I love you, Bex.’ His voice was barely a whisper. ‘I love you like I’ve never loved anyone else in my life. And when I thought I could’ve lost you, I couldn’t think rationally. I couldn’t… I couldn’t… I’m sorry, for what I said. I was just scared of losing you. Losing you forever this time.’
His words brought tears to her eyes. Of course she knew he still loved her. Whatever flirting or other behaviours he indulged in with other women, she’d always known he loved her. That hadn’t been why they had broken up.
‘Lack of love was never our issue,’ Bex said.
‘No, it wasn’t. I was.’
Bex’s face crumpled in confusion. They had never assigned blame to their breakup, because no one had been at fault. Not really. Their futures just didn’t align. That was all there was to it.
‘Duncan,’ she said softly. ‘You and I?—’
‘No, listen, please,’ he interrupted. ‘I’ve thought about this.’ He scoffed and let out a bitter laugh. ‘I’ve pretty much thought o’ nothing else since you came back to the village, and I need to get my words out, okay?’
She nodded, seeing how difficult this was for him. With a deep breath in, he shuffled slightly, as if he was going to sit backdown, but he didn’t. Instead, he just moved a little further away from her. As if being close to her stopped him from being able to think.
‘When you and I got together, I thought I was over Katty.’
‘Katty?’ The name surprised her. Katty was Duncan’s ex-fiancée, who had cheated on him with his best friend. The pair had moved out of the village and had a baby and though she knew the loss of friendship had been hard on Duncan, he had never spoken that much about either of them.
‘I thought I was over her when I got with you,’ Duncan continued. ‘And I was, in so many ways. I didn’t want to be with her. I wanted to be with you. But I wasn’t over what she did to me. I see that now. The hurt, the trust, it was all shattered. I was afraid, and I took those fears out on you. When you moved back to London, I told myself that I was doing everything I could to make the relationship work, but deep down, I know I didn’t believe it. I didn’t even try to make myself. I let the distance grow between us. Subconsciously or not I let myself believe it would be impossible for us to work. And then I let you believe it too.’
‘And you’re just realising this now?’ Bex asked. Her voice sounded distant, harsh, but it was still kinder than the way he had spoken to her days ago.
‘No, not just now. I think I always knew it on some level. What I’ve realised now is that I need to change who I am. I want to be with you. Ineedto be with you. You’re it for me. And seeing you hurt. Seeing Kieron sitting there at your bedside…’
He let out a sound that was close to a growl. Something tightened in Bex’s chest.
‘Do you want to be with me, Duncan? Or do you want to be with me because Kieron wants to be with me? Because you didn’t have a reaction like this when you saw me at the pub. When you were there with a pair of hot young women with their arms draped all over you.’
Duncan’s jaw tightened.
‘I realised it because I almost lost you,’ he hissed. ‘And you can’t seriously think anything’ll happen between you and Kieron.’
‘Why?’ Bex said, not sure why she was suddenly feeling so heated. Was it because she wanted to hit him, or kiss him? She couldn’t tell. ‘You’re saying nothing could happen between us because he’s a future laird and I’m just, me?’
‘That’s not what I meant at all.’ Duncan lifted his hands in the air. ‘You know that. I meant because he’s not right for you. Besides, you barely know the guy.’
‘From what I’ve heard, neither do you, and yet you still seem to think you know he’s not right for me.’
‘Yes,’ Duncan said, taking another step towards her. He was close enough to take hold of her now. To kiss her. If that was what she wanted. Her body trembled, as it always did when he got too close. Like she couldn’t control herself. ‘Yes, I do,’ he said again. ‘I know he’s not right because we’re perfect together. You know that. I know you do. There’s no one else for me, Barker. Not in this life, not in any that might be waiting for me afterwards. And I think it’s the same for you too.’
He lifted his hand, brushing his fingers against her cheek. A small gasp left Bex’s lips as warmth flooded her body. It was the opposite of the bone-chilling cold she’d felt during the storm. This warmth spread to her very core. It was all she wanted. It was everything she needed. Her chin tilted up towards him, and she was certain he was going to kiss her. And then what? Did it even matter for now?
Her heart hammered in her chest as she felt her eyes flutter closed, only for a voice to call in from the doorway.
‘Bex, are you ready?’ Lorna called. ‘Sorry I’m late. We need to go get our hair done now or we’ll miss our appointment.’
By the time Lorna stepped into the room, both Duncan and Bex had jumped so far apart they were practically on opposite sides of the room. Bex’s pulse continued to drum behind her ears while her throat had turned so dry she wasn’t even sure she could swallow.
‘Duncan?’ Lorna’s voice lifted in surprise. ‘What’s going on? Is everything okay?’
