Page 75 of Sinful
Telling him about what's happened while he was gone.
About me coming home.
About the alliance.
About anything and everything except what we all know: that he was tortured because of me.
Elfe eventually pulls me into the hallway around midnight.
"You need to sleep," she says.
"I'm fine."
"Stop saying that. You're not fine. None of us arefine." She looks at me—really looks at me—and I see concern and exhaustion and something else. "I saw you kiss him."
My stomach drops. "Elfe?—"
"The Nomad. Bravos. After the fight, before we left. You kissed him."
"It was adrenaline. Doesn't mean anything."
"Bullshit." She crosses her arms. "I saw your face, Helle. You care about him."
"So what if I do? He's leaving in a few days. That's what Nomads do. They don't stay."
"Maybe he'd stay if you asked."
I laugh—bitter, exhausted. "Why would I ask? I'm not staying either."
Elfe goes very still. "What?"
"I'm leaving. As soon as Dad's stable, as soon as I know he's going to be okay—I'm gone."
"Back to Texas."
"Back to anywhere that isn't here."
"Helle—"
"I can't stay, Elfe. Don't you get it? Every time someone looks at me, they're thinking about what I did. How I betrayed the club. How I'm the reason Dad was taken." I shake my head. "I don't belong here anymore. Maybe I never did."
"You belong here more than you know," Elfe says fiercely. "You're family. You're a part of this club whether you like it or not. And running away again won't change that."
"Maybe not. But staying here—" My voice cracks. "Ican't breathe here. Can't think. Can't be anything but the girl who fucked up."
Elfe is quiet for a long moment. "So, you're just going to leave again. Run away. Let that Nomad ride off into the sunset without you."
"He doesn't want me to go with him. He's a Nomad for a reason—he doesn't do attachments."
"Did you ask him?"
"No."
"Then how do you know?"
I don't have an answer for that.
Elfe sighs. "Look. I'm not going to tell you what to do. You're an adult. You make your own choices. But Helle? Running didn't fix anything last time. Maybe it's time to stop running and figure out who you actually are."
