Page 53 of Sinful
"Ikilledhim."
The words hang between us like a grenade with the pin pulled.
Elfe goes perfectly still. "What?"
"In Houston. Two years ago. I tracked him down and I shot him. Three times." My voice is flat, dead. "Twice in the chest, once in the head. Execution style. Just like they said in the meeting."
"You—" She's staring at me like I'm a stranger. "Helle. What the fuck."
"He used me. He destroyed everything. He nearly got you killed, got Dad killed, got the whole club killed." The words are pouring out now, unstoppable. "I couldn't just let him walk away. I couldn't?—"
"So you murdered him."
"Yes."
"And you made it look like club retaliation."
"I didn't mean to. I just—I was angry. I wanted him to pay. I didn't think about the consequences."
"Didn't think—" Elfe laughs, high and slightly hysterical. "Jesus Christ, Helle. You didn't think Los Coyotes would want revenge?"
"I thought I'd get away with it! I thought they'dnever connect it back to us!" I'm shouting now, years of guilt and rage boiling over. "I thought I could make him pay and it would be over and we'd all be safe!"
"Instead you got Dad tortured."
The words are a knife straight through my chest.
"Yes," I whisper. "Instead I got Dad tortured. And now I'm the only one who can fix it."
Elfe is crying now, silent tears tracking down her face. "By dying."
"If that's what it takes."
"Helle—"
"They sent his hand, Elfe. His fucking hand. How much more are they going to send? How much more can he survive?" My voice breaks. "I can't watch him die piece by piece knowing I caused it. I can't."
"So, you're just going to give yourself to them? Let them do the same thing to you?"
"Better me than him."
"It's not better!" She grabs me again, both hands on my shoulders, forcing me to look at her. "You dying doesn't fix anything. It just means I lose both of you. Mom loses both of you. Don't you understand? We need you here. We need you alive."
"For what? I'm the fuckup. I'm the one who betrayed the family, who got people killed, who?—"
"You're my sister." Her voice is fierce. "You're my baby sister and I love you and I will not watch you throw your life away because you think you deserve to die."
"I do deserve to die."
"No. You deserve to live. You deserve to fight. You deserve?—"
"I deserve nothing!" I'm shouting again, pulling away from her. "I killed a man, Elfe. In cold blood. I tracked him for months, I planned it, I executed it. I'm a murderer. Just like Dad. Just like everyone in this fucking club."
"Then be a murderer who stays alive!" She's shouting too now. "Be a murderer who fights for her family instead of dying for them!"
We're both breathing hard, faces inches apart, years of unspoken shit finally erupting.
"I'm going," I say finally. "You can try to stop me, but I'm faster than you. Faster than anyone here. And I know these roads better than they do."
