Page 86 of Sinful
"I don't have shit figured out." I turn to face her fully. "I've been dead inside for eighteen years, Helle. Walking around like a ghost, going through the motions. Then I met you and suddenly I'm feeling things again. And it's terrifying."
"Because feelings mean?—"
"Mean I have something to lose. Yeah." I reach up, tuck a strand of blonde hair behind her ear. "But maybe—maybe those years with my family were worth it. Even though I lost them. Maybe having them was better than never having them at all."
"You really believe that?"
"I'm starting to."
She leans into my touch, eyes closing briefly.
When she opens them, they're shining with unshed tears. "I don't know how to do this," she whispers. "How to want something and not ruin it."
"Yeah. Me neither." I cup her face, thumb brushingacross her cheekbone. "But I'm not ready to walk away yet."
"I'm leaving though. As soon as Dad's okay. I can't stay here."
"I'm leaving too. Back to Texas in a week, maybe less."
"So, this is what? Temporary?"
"I don't know what it is." I'm being honest—more honest than I've been with anyone in years. "All I know is that when I'm with you, I feel alive again. And I don't want to give that up. Not yet."
"Even though it's going to hurt later?"
"Yeah, maybe, but what if it doesn’t hurt?"
She studies my face, searching for something. Whatever she finds makes her decision.
"We're both leaving," she says. "Both going back to Texas. Different parts, maybe, but?—"
"Forty-five minutes apart."
"Yeah." A small smile. "It’s not that far."
"No. It's not."
"So, maybe this doesn't have to be temporary. Maybe we just—see what happens."
Hope flares in my chest. Dangerous, fragile hope.
"Are you asking me something?"
"Maybe. I don't know." She stands up, pulls me with her. "I'm asking if you want to stop running. Just for a little while. See what it feels like to stay grounded for a bit back in Texas."
"With you."
"With me."
I should say no.
Should remember Phantom's words, remember that I'm a Nomad, remember all the reasons I don't do this.
Instead I pull her closer, until we're inches apart.
"Yeah," I say. "I want that."
"Good." She rises on her toes, mouth close to mine. "Because I want it too."
