Page 35 of Shielding His Heart
And I can tell he means his words. The conviction in his voice and the certainty in his eyes are undeniable. I close my eyes against the waves of hurt and try to put myself in Alec’s shoes. He would have been facing the possibility of a life as a single dad raising Gemma and Paisley on his own. All without his wife and their future child.
Had he even had time to grieve his loss? For the baby who hadn’t made it and the wife he knew who might never come back?
I didn’t think so. When would he have had the time?
I sit on the bed next to him, our shoulders brushing. “I didn’t think things could get any worse. When I saw the discharge paperwork, it was like I’d been punched in the gut. I guess things can always get worse.”
He lets out a shaky breath. “They can also get better. I still have you. I’ll do whatever it takes to keep you.”
“But I—”
“No buts,” Alec says firmly. “I can’t give you back the baby we lost or make your memory better, but I can show you why I’m the man for you. Why I’ve always been the man for you. If you’ll let me.”
My chest aches. “I don’t know if I can be the woman for you, though.”
He puts a hand to my cheek, and for a moment, I think he’s going to kiss me. But he only smooths it over my hair, then down my back. “You’re enough just as you are.” He leans forward and touches his forehead to mine. “I’m sorry for hurting you, for keeping that from you. It won’t happen again. I promise you that. Can you believe me?”
“No more secrets, okay? I need to know everything. Is there anything else you aren’t telling me about the accident? That night?” He shakes his head no, then stops. “What is it?” I ask. God, what else could there be?
“The man who crashed into you?”
I furrow my brows. “The drunk driver?”
Alec nods. “He was our next-door neighbor’s son. Leon? You may have met him. Kid was only nineteen. Not even old enough to drink, but he’d been out with some buddies and thought he’d be okay to go home.”
A memory comes back—nothing from before the accident but of the man banging on the door when Alec was at work. I tell him about the interaction with the drunk and his daughter. “Who was that?” I ask.
“Leon. The kid’s father.” Alec curses under his breath. “I’ll talk to him. He shouldn’t be bothering you. He hasn’t been around here anymore since then, has he?” Alec asks.
“No, just that one time. Is he someone I should be worried about?”
“I’ll talk to him,” he repeats. “I doubt he’ll give you more trouble aside from occasional benders. I can have one of the guys from work drive by when I’m on shift to make sure you’re okay.”
I scoff and roll my eyes at him. “I don’t need a babysitter. I’m sure it’ll be fine. He’s probably just distraught about losing his son like that. It can’t be easy.”
Alec thumbs my lip, his eyes heating as he stares at them. He gives himself a little shake. “That’s no excuse for scaring you like that. Not after what you’ve been through. Let me do this, Tana, or I’ll go crazy. Please.”
I start to argue again, but then I notice his hands are trembling, so I swallow back the words. “Thank you.”
It’s then I notice the dark circles smudged under his eyes which droop with fatigue. The normally clear, bright gray is abnormally dull. He looks so tired. Worn ragged. Had he looked like this the entire time? It hadn’t occurred to me how much strain he must be under. But learning he’d lost a baby and the woman who used to be his wife undoes me and breaks down some of the walls between us. He’s shouldered that burden alone to shield me. A thick, heavy knot rises in my throat, and hot tears sting my eyes and the back of my nose.
When he relaxes a little next to me, I hesitate, then lean close to him and wrap my arms around his big shoulders. He stills with my touch until he realizes I’m hugging him. Then his big arms are wrapping around me in return, enveloping me in his warmth. He tucks my head into his neck, and I sink into his heat.
It feels good to be held—protected—but what I love even more is how he relaxes against me. How his body gravitates closer, trying to be as near to me as possible. He trembles on a long, deep inhale like he’s been starved of this for so long, and he’ll die without it. My eyes flutter closed. I feel like I’m enjoying someone else’s man and the guilt gnaws at me a little. But he feels too good to let go.
I’m awestruck by how much he clearly cared about his wife and family. He must have loved her—me—so much to have put up with everything that’s happened. I was a lucky woman to have that kind of devotion.
He pulls back reluctantly and tucks my hair behind my ear. “Why don’t we just start over? From the beginning.”
“Why?”
“Because I don’t think I’ve been fair trying to push you to get your memories back. It hasn’t been fair keeping such a big secret from you. Hell, I haven’t given you space to figure out what you want, and that’s really the only thing that matters.”
My heart thuds heavily in my chest. “What are you saying?” Is he going to suggest we strip down and get naked again? I mean, I don’t think I’d be mad about it, but. . .
“I’m just saying, why don’t we go out and do something fun? Something that has nothing to do with your memories or the accident or anything else. I think we both could use some fun time where we don’t have to think too much.”
I smile a little shyly. “Are you asking me on a date, Mr. Dorran?”
