Page 18 of Shielding His Heart
I’m not normally the sort of man who likes to talk about his feelings. My go-to is doing. Fixing. Figuring. But there’s no amount of medical knowledge, physical strength, or clever problem solving that will bring my Tana back to me. The only thing I can give her is honesty. Memories. And so that’s what I do.
“Everyone had mostly gone, and I was gonna be your ride back to your house because you’d had a little too much to drink.”
“Really?”
“You were having fun. You just graduated from college. I was on leave with the military. It was summer. And you had on the sweetest red bikini.”
She rolls her eyes. “Of course, that’s what you remember.”
I can’t help my grin. “Hard to forget.”
“Is that why you kissed me?”
I cut a glance at her. “Actually, you kissed me.”
“You’re kidding.”
Shaking my head, I say, “Dead honest. I had just finished loading all our stuff into the truck when you cornered me against the door. You looked at me with such a serious look that I stopped laughing at whatever dumb shit the other guys were doing. You asked me why I hadn’t kissed you already. I was stunned. I asked if you were serious. You said yes. That you’d been waiting all day for me to make a move, and when I didn’t, you decided to do it yourself. That’s why you had a couple drinks. To work up the nerve.”
“What did you do?” Her eyes are all on me. I can’t get the taste of her off my lips.
“I tried to tell you that we should wait until we hadn’t been drinking. But you said you couldn’t wait anymore. You moved closer to me until you were pressed up against me. I could barely breathe. I didn’t generally go after friends. I didn’t want to make it awkward if things went bad. And it often did back then, especially since I was new to my work and still in the military. A lot of women don’t like that kind of lifestyle.” I rub a hand through my hair. “Anyway, I tried to explain all this to you, but you weren’t having any of it. You told me you’d been waiting to kiss me for weeks. That you didn’t care what I did. And that you couldn’t stand not knowing if the kiss would live up to everything you imagined because I was planning to deploy not long after. And I wouldn’t be back for a long time.”
She angles her body toward me. “And I still went for it? You didn’t mind me being so aggressive?”
I feel my lips tip up in a half-smile at the memory. And then I remember she’ll never have the same memory. A memory that’s an earmark of our history together. It’s gone for her. But it’s still there for me. Feelings are still there for me. I roll my shoulders. “You told me later that you didn’t want to live a life based on what-ifs or should-have-beens.” Our eyes meet for a moment. “No, I didn’t mind. I’d been gone for you for a long time.”
Her eyes drift out the window. “It sounds weird to talk about myself like I’m a different person, but thank you. I should know these things. The person I was sounds fun. And daring.”
“You still are. Give yourself a break. You only just got out of the hospital. You’re doing so much better than you were even a few weeks ago.”
She sighs heavily and changes the subject. “What happened next?”
I don’t press her. “I tried to tell you I didn’t want to hurt you. But you told me to shut up and kiss you.”
That startles a laugh out of her. “What? Really?”
“Not at all. Then you wrapped your hands around my shoulders, pushed up on your toes, and laid one on me. Other than the day we got married, it was the best kiss of my life.”
She goes quiet for a while, but I don’t push her. Frankly, I’m glad she’s asking questions. Gives me time to process both the memories and the fact that I kissed her. It was probably a bad idea, but I couldn’t not kiss her.
“I wish I could remember,” she says, breaking through my thoughts.
She’s not looking at me, but I can hear the sorrow in her voice. I hate that I caused it. “I wish you could too. But it’s not your fault.”
“I know. What did you do after I kissed you?”
I pull into the driveway at the house and turn to look at her. “Isn’t it obvious?”
She unbuckles slowly and gives me a confused look.
Grinning, I say, “Oh, well, I kissed you back. And I was such a great kisser you convinced me to marry you.”
She shakes her head, soft caramel blonde curls tumbling over her shoulders, and gets out of the truck. I join her as we walk to the front door. “I was due to deploy two months after that, and we spent nearly every moment together. I kept trying to reason with you, but you said it felt right. You told me that our souls recognized each other.” I smile as I unlock the door, remembering how serious she’d been when she said it. “I’m not the sentimental type of guy, but I fell for it, and you, hard. So a week before I was due to deploy, I asked you to marry me. Without hesitating, you said yes. We had a quick courthouse wedding, and you had my ring on your finger by the time I flew out.”
We move into the kitchen, where I fix leftovers for lunch. Eating in silence for a while, I catch Tana glancing at the ring on my finger. Hers had to be cut off after the accident. I saved the pieces, but there’s no repairing it, so it’s in the jewelry box on our dresser, a grim reminder.
“Why did you ask me to marry you after two months?”
