Page 6 of Operator
It's a black truck.Nearly a twin of my own. Dozens of people in town have black trucks. It doesn’t mean anything. It doesn’t. My mouth goes dry, my body already knows what my mind won’t accept.
I used to see that truck everywhere, but it was never the one I was looking for.
Only this time, I’m not imagining things.
I move to Daisy’s side at the gate to lay a quieting hand on the top of her head. It’s still shaking, but the contact soothes us both somewhat. Her growling resides, but she’s still quivering next to me, as though she can sense the growing tension inside of me. She presses into my side, muscles quivering.
“It’s okay, girl. It’s alright,” I tell her, but inside I’m squirming. I’ve been dreading this moment. When I’d see him again. Dreading it since the day he left after Ian and I were married. He’d volunteered for every assignment possible to stay away since that day five years ago, and while everything reminded me of him, I’d been able to push him to the back of my thoughts.
Ian helped with that, because loving him was easy. But now he’s gone and I’m alone to confront my demons.
The truck pulled to a stop outside my fence. I wish he would have gone to his parents first. It would have given me time to…I don’t know.
Just time.Although a lifetime would never be enough.
Daisy’s tail begins to wag, hitting the backs of my bare legs, but I barely notice. My heartbeat thuds dully in my ears. It’s so loud I can’t hear anything, not even Daisy’s barking. I force myself to breathe deeply, to remember the past doesn’t have a place in my life anymore.
I’ve moved on.Long since moved on.
He unfolds from the truck, and I’m struck by how big he is. Larger than life. Ian was always the leaner of the two. Lithe with wiry, with sinewy muscle. Just tall enough for me to fit my head under his chin for a hug. Ian always gave great hugs. I could use one of them right about now.I could useIanright now. Everything always seemed so much easier when Ian was by my side.
It’s not the same with his brother Callum. Everything with Cal has always been hard.
Cal is so tall I’d have to crane my neck to look up at him unless I was in super stacked heels. His shoulders are the width of a Mack truck and thighs as thick as small tree trunks. Making love to him had been like being dominated, overwhelmed. Surrounded. I’d been obliterated by him since the very start. It would be safer to run out in the middle of a tornado than to get tangled with Callum Reece again.
At least that’s the same as the man I remember, but most everything else is different. I’d known Cal before most of his time as a Marine. He’d been cocky, but damn, isn’t that always intriguing on a man when you’re young. Borderline arrogant, but I always forgave him for it. Because I saw the softer side. The side he didn’t let anyone else see because he was always trying to show everyone how much his parents’ preference for Ian didn’t bother him. I was the only one who knew how much it hurt.
The man in front of me is built with the same framework as the man I remember, the same strong jaw, the same teal-blue eyes and sandy blonde-brown hair like the color of a wheat field in the sun.But that’s where the comparison ends. This man is harder, rougher, somehow. Even from a distance, I can see those blue eyes are shadowed and haunted. My hand tightens in Daisy’s fur and she presses closer. If possible, he’s even more muscular than he used to be, hardened by time and circumstance. There are lines on his face that hadn’t been there before and bruise-colored smudges beneath his eyes and under his cheekbones.
It shouldn’t matter. I shouldn’t care about the source of his nightmares. I have enough of my own. But the traitor inside of me who has always cared about Callum aches to bring him comfort, despite the fact that I want to scream and rage and claw at him for abandoning me.
Daisy must recognize him, because she begins to wag with her whole body. It occurs to me maybe she thinks he’s Ian. They don’t have the same body type, but they have similar facial features.My heart breaks all over again at the thought.
Callum ambles up to the fence and drapes his muscled forearms over the gate like he’s used to doing so on a daily basis. He ensnares me with those eyes and my breath catches in my throat. I feel trapped in his gaze. Right back where I’d been five years ago, only this time, instead of walking away, he’s come back to torment me. The anger I’ve been cultivating for the past several months since I called him, and he refused to come back, resurfaces and my hands begin to shake from the effort to keep from clawing out his eyes.
“’Lo, Gwen.”
CHAPTER FOUR
CALLUM
My hands tightenon the steering wheel. I half expect to see Ian bounding from the house, a big smile on his face and an expletive ridden greeting spilling from his lips. But there’s no Ian. He’ll never be waiting at the airport to welcome me home from a tour, never message me for a random first-person shooter matchup, never call me “Big Bro” ever again.
This is why I didn’t want to come back.
Why I couldn’t face losing him.
It tears at my insides, the way it had when I lost Tate. How much more could a man lose before there’s nothing left?
There’d been a time when I had so much to look forward to. I’d thought joining the Marines would be all the meaning my life would need. I’d serve my country, save lives, finally make my family proud of me. But it feels like all those expectations fell short. All I did was take lives, fail my country, and nothing ever seemed to make my family proud. Especially not now that their favorite son is dead and all they have left is me. To their way of thinking, I cost them their baby boy. If it weren’t for me, Ian never would have joined the service to follow in my footsteps. He wouldn’t have been deployed on back-to-back missions. He wouldn’t have suffered wounds so deep, they finally took his life.
I force myself to release the steering wheel and relax my stiff hands—they never quite worked right after that last deployment. Can’t even recall now, but I took a shot that went through both palms and haven’t been able to work them without pain since. I can’t hide from my past forever. It took me six months to wean myself off the bottle and another month to sell my place in Raleigh, get my shit sorted, and talk Bunny into letting me come back. To be honest, it didn’t take much convincing. Dad’s been on a steady decline since Ian died and they manage several businesses in town and have been short-handed ever since the pandemic. They need help bad if they’re willing to accept mine.
The last thing I wanted to do when I put Sweet Creek in my rearview was come back here, but it seems I’ll always be chasing their approval. This time, I mean to have it. They need my help, my parents and Gwen, and they’re going to get it whether they like it or not.
Climbing from the cab of my old truck, I shove my sore hands into my pockets, because to my horror, they’re shaking like I’m coming off a week-long bender. Which would have been an accurate description six months ago. Back then, it would have taken a shit ton of liquid courage to point my truck in this direction when I’d been running away from their disappointment for as long as I can remember.
Gwen’s standing at the fence with Daisy at her side. She looks the same, and yet completely different. The woman in front of me is no longer the sweet-faced co-ed or the blushing bride, but I don’t think Gwen’s ever been more beautiful…or unattainable. Not that a beat-up grunt like me would ever think he deserved something so perfect.I never did, though there was a time I said to hell with what I deserved and took what I wanted.
