Page 32 of Operator
It would have been easy to push him away if he didn’t know exactly the right way to bulldoze over my every defense. My hands come up—to do what, I don’t know. He ensnares them with his and places one around his neck and the other against his chest, a solid surface to cling to as everything beings to skew off kilter.
“Hold on to me,” he says as we both gasp for breath and then I’m doing as I’m told for the first time in my life as his tongue demands entrance.
I don’t have time to do much else than obey as the maelstrom of sensations batter my already sensitive body. I’m still in pain, tender all over, and the tightness he elicits between my legs is the perfect counterpoint to all my raw edges. My delicate nipples, already tender from nursing at all hours, brush against his chest as he pulls me close, wringing a groan from deep in my throat.
It’s almost too much.
Too much, but at the same time, not enough. Not ever enough.
He leads me back, and I follow without question. Damn him. Like we’re caught up in an intricate dance, my body automatically attunes itself to his. He arranges me on a stool at the high kitchen table, the perfect height to meet his lips for deep, drugging kisses and to accept the thrust of his body between my now spread thighs.
“What are you doing?” I ask when I can catch my breath.
“Thought that was pretty obvious, angel. I’m kissing you. Need me to show you again?”
Without waiting for an answer, he cups my jaw with his big hands, and I have to grip his wrists this time for balance even though I’m sitting down. He gives me a moment to acclimate to the kiss before he moves closer. Dominating, always dominating everything around him. Space. My thoughts. My dreams. There isn’t a part of me that hasn’t been overtaken by Callum Reece.
My bare feet wrap around his calves—thick with muscle, just like the rest of him. Sturdy. Solid. Real. My pelvis tilts up to meet his and even though sexy is the absolute last thing I feel right now, when Callum pulls back to tuck a loose strand of hair behind my ear and his eyes capture mine, his desire for me is almost palpable. Not just the press of him between my thighs, but when he looks at me, it’s as though we’re already naked and he’s showing me all the ways he wants to worship me.
I forget all the reasons why we shouldn’t. Kissing Callum will do that; I remember all too well. My arms go up around his shoulders and I sink into his warmth, his strength. God, but I’ve needed someone to hold on to. To anchor me down when the stress of simply existing is too much. Callum is solid, dependable—even for his faults. Underneath my hands, that couldn’t be more true.
When I needed him, he was there for me.
Can I trust that to always be true?
I’m not certain of the answer, but that doesn’t stop me from clinging to him, from deepening this kiss.
For now, he’s here.
For now, maybe he can be mine.
One of his hands glides down my shoulder, skims my arm and then grips my waist. I try not to think about the new blotchy red stretch marks on my skin or how different it looks from the thin, tight body I used to have. Part of me wants to lose myself in this, in him, so I block it out. He doesn’t shy away when his bare fingertips find my body beneath the oversized t-shirt. They splay across my stomach possessively, making the muscles underneath tremble, tighten. Submit.
He breaks away from me with a groan of his own as his fingers trace the top of my shorts. We both know we can’t go any further, but I can tell by the way his breath shudders over his lips he’s thinking about it. His gaze has dropped from mine to where his hand is shrouded in my shirt. The wide expanse of his shoulders heaves with his labored breaths. I guess I’m not the only one struggling for control.
His touch on my stomach ignites butterflies underneath and they make me restless until I angle his head back down and kiss him again. The raw, unfettered emotions I’ve been holding back for months, no, probably years, spill over until there’s a savageness threatening to take over.
His fingers move around to grab my ass and scoot me forward on the stool until there isn’t a breath of space between us. I want him with every fiber of my being. With an intensity that cancels out rational thought. But who am I kidding? I was never rational when it came to Callum.
The ear-splitting wail slices through the haze of desire more effectively than a frigid shower. We both pull back, sobbing for breath, lips red and swollen, bodies shuddering with the effort.
My hands drop to my thighs while I try to gather the shreds of my composure.Oh, God.What the fuck have I done? “That—that shouldn’t have happened,” I blurt out. Panic rolls over me like a tsunami, drowning me. As much as I wanted him mere moments ago, the reality of giving in to those desires is staggering. My stomach drops like I’m on the world’s tallest roller coaster. I make a strangled sound and then squeeze between him and the table.
He looks like he wants to say something, but I practically sprint to retrieve Violet from the bassinet. She settles easily as I feed her in the rocking chair, but I’m not so easily soothed.
This is precisely what I didn’t want to happen.
Precisely what I’d worried would happen if Callum ever came back to Sweet Creek.
Emotions swell up in me and goddammit my hormones are so crazy they spill over my cheeks in the form of tears. I can’t believe I’d betray Ian so easily. It only took a few months and I’m already kissing his brother. What kind of person am I?
He has to go. He can’t stay here anymore. It’s too much. It’s too hard. Clearly, I can’t think straight when he’s around. That much is for certain. I’d been right when I didn’t want to let myself be near him.
Naturally, just when I want him to disappear, he materializes in the nursery doorway. I turn away from the nightlight so he can’t see the evidence of my internal struggle on my face. He doesn’t say anything at first and the tension building in my chest is suffocating me, along with the tears knotting up my throat.
“What?” I say sharply, unable to handle the silence any longer. The baby jumps in my arms and I shush her back to sleep.
“We haven’t done anything wrong,” Callum says, his tone soft but sure.
