Page 28 of Operator
The sleep evaporates from his eyes. “What do you mean?”
I finger the downy glint of red-gold hair on Violet’s brow. “Just baby brain, I guess. I came home, and it was unlocked. I probably forgot. It’s no biggie. I’ve been doing things like that the whole pregnancy.”
There’s a pause, then, “Sure, I’ll check on it. You should try to get some sleep.”
“I don’t think I can now. I don’t want to let her out of my sight. It was a lot less scare when she was safe inside me. Now anything can happen to her.”
That sounds silly, but Cal doesn’t say so. I hear the creak of the bed as he gets up and pads to check the front door. I have no doubt he locked it when we got home from the hospital and probably checked on it again at some point. Now that the baby is here, I can’t help but have but be overprotective. I never want anything to happen to her.
“It’s locked,” he says. “Got you a refill on your water bottle. The nurses said you need to keep hydrated.” And there come the tears again. They fill my eyes in a hot rush that has Cal’s eyes widening. “What is it? Are you hurt?”
Sniffling, furious and embarrassed, I rub at my eyes and then groan. “No, you didn’t do anything wrong. I can’t help it. It’s a thing. Crying for no reason. Just ignore me.”
That causes him to crack a smile. “Yeah, right. Well, chug that water then, if you’re going to be crying all the time.”
“Yes, sir.” I nod with a little mocking laugh.
He settles back into bed with me, and I drink dutifully. The bed shifts and I feel a wash of heat at my back as he spoons me from behind to stare intently at Violet. My breath catches in my throat. Both at his nearness and the deep affection in his voice. How could I have known seeing a man so fond of a baby could be so incredibly sexy? “She’s so small. Thought I was going to break her when I held her for the first time.” He sounds as though he’s in awe.
The contrast of such a tough man being brought to his knees by this tiny baby undoes me. “Babies are tougher than you think in some ways.” Is it just me or do I sound more breathless than I did when I had a baby digging into my lungs?
His hand settles on my hip, the touch searing through the fabric. Despite my complete and utter lack of allure in this moment, I’ve never been so emotionally charged and turned on. When he speaks, I give myself a mental shake. “In that moment, I would have agreed with you. I was probably the most terrified out of the three of us.”
Forcing myself to focus, I relax into him. I’m too tired to fight. Too tired to keep up the walls that are basically nonexistent now. “Didn’t seem like it.”
“I fake it well.”
“I really am sorry.” I’m glad he can’t see my face because I’m already fighting to urge to cry again.
“Don’t be. Hell of a story to tell. It’s nice being the hero for a change.” Am I imagining it or is there regret lacing his tone? I’d never known Cal to regret anything about being a Marine. Maybe he really did hate that he left.
The air between us shifts and it’s as though the ghost of Ian is between us. Callum moves away and I feel him settling down to sleep. I’m thankful the conversation comes to a close. Thankful because of what I’m suddenly desperate to tell him.
I’ve always wanted him…and I don’t think I’ve ever stopped. That’s the plain sick truth.
I loved Ian. I wanted a life with him. He was a great man, and a wonderful husband. But…it’s thebutthat makes me feel awful. The hesitation in that statement that keeps me from blurting out how much I want Callum to come closer, to hold me and tell me how much he really means it when he says he’ll do whatever I need.
What if what I need is Callum?
The thought keeps me up longer than I like, torn between the man I loved and the man I can’t live without.
CHAPTER TWELVE
CALLUM
She looksso fucking cute it makes me want to…I don’t know. Build a bookshelf or something.
My hands seem too big. My fingers too unsteady.
But she doesn’t seem to mind.
In fact, she’s sound asleep.
Violet.
There are moments when she looks so much like Ian that it takes my breath away, but most of the time she’s Gwen made over. The same almond-shaped eyes. The same fiery red halo of hair. Her eyes are still newborn blue, but I have no doubt they’ll lighten to the same shade of lavender as her mother’s.
She sleeps through the diaper change and only pauses to mewl at me when I snuggle her against my chest. Also, like her mother, she has me wrapped around her little finger. I know what it’s like to be willing to die for someone—I would have given my life for any of my team. I’d throw myself in front of a bus for Gwen. But for Violet? I’d kill for her. I’d rip apart the world without a second thought. For someone who has never held a baby and only imagined having children in some distant, far-off future, the protective instinct for this little girl is insane.
