Page 45 of Operator
“Good.”I can’t seem to stop touching her. When she doesn’t stop me, I pull her into my arms.
“What about you?”
“Not much,” I admit.I’d been so torn between thinking of Ian and wanting Gwen, sleep had been elusive. All I wanted to do was kiss her, touch her, soothe her. It has been killing me to take it slow, wait for her, make sure I don’t spook her. I want to give her time to make the first move, to be ready.
“Why don’t I make you breakfast after you get a nap? Eggs okay?” But instead of moving to get out of bed, she nuzzles into me, sighing happily. Her pliant body pressed against me does something to my self-control. My hands tighten around her and I’m a little embarrassed to find them shaking. She leans back to look at me when I don’t answer, and that’s when my tenuous self-control snaps.
Covering her mouth with mine seems inevitable. She makes a sound of protest and it’s swallowed by a quick inhalation as our lips meet. The kiss is quick, soft, and, in some way, comfortable. Like we’ve been doing it for years.Her body relaxes beneath mine and our legs tangle. Her arms drape over my shoulders and one leg wraps around my thigh. I feel the slightest brush of her heat against me before I come to my senses.
I don’t deepen the kiss, but I let it linger for a moment, then two. When we part, she says, “You have to stop doing that.” She gives my chest a playful slap, but she’s grinning wide.
“Sorry, angel. I don’t think I can anymore. I can’t seem to get enough of you.” Part of me worries she’ll tell me to stop for good.
With an exasperated sigh, she says, “At least let me brush my teeth first.”
I smile, pleased knowing that was her only hesitation. Progress. “Well, that’s not going to stop me.”
“Well, it would make me feel better,” she snaps, slapping my chest again. “First you’re there when I deliver the baby, now you’re kissing me when I haven’t even brushed my teeth or put makeup on.”
I take her hand both to stop her from slapping at me and to kiss her fingers. Her eyes smolder at the touch of my lips. “Then maybe you’ll start to realize I don’t give a damn about how you look, Gwen. You’re beautiful no matter what. The reason I want you, why I’ve always wanted you, is because you’re mine.”
She pulls her hand away, but it’s only to rest it against my cheek. Then she’s looking up at me with something like adoration in her eyes. I didn’t know until this moment how much I needed her to look at me this way. Like she knows she’s mine, too.
I don’t know until I’ve said it that it’s true.
She’s always been mine. Even when she wasn’t.
CHAPTER SEVENTEEN
GWEN
I wantto let him kiss me longer, I realize, as I relax against my own better judgement into his arms. There’s a stirring of heat underneath my skin and I’m trembling. His words would sound ridiculous coming from anyone else, but they soothe a fear inside of me I didn’t realize I had until now. That no one would love me again. That I would be unwanted and left behind…again.
I’ve been denying myself for so long. For good reason. But I don’t want to deny myself anymore. I don’t wanna fight. More than anything, I want to give in. Callum is a battering storm, and I can resist him no longer.
“I can’t touch you the way I want with the baby here. Take a shower with me?” Callum rests a hand on my hip. I can feel it burning through my nightgown.
I shiver. But I’m burning up. Touching is a lot more than kissing. Do I want to?Hell yes.
I take his offered hand, and we sneak quietly into the bathroom. While the shower heats up, Callum strips to the skin. I forget I’m supposed to be undressing too because I freeze at the sight of his bare body.
How can he do something as simple as taking off his shirt and it makes my mouth water? Somehow, he pulls it off one arm and then over his head in one efficient movement. His body is different than I remember. Five years is a long time. And Callum isn’t young anymore. He’s all man.
He watches me watching him, and humor lifts his mouth. As he undoes his pants or shorts, whatever he’s wearing, he does it slowly. Teasing. Undressing is always so awkward for me. It’s hard to be graceful about it. All the rough angles and tight clothes. But Callum makes it sexy somehow. Or maybe it’s because it’s him. And he’s always been sexy.
In the blink of an eye, he’s naked in front of me. And I think I forgot to breathe.
There’s a puckered scar on his abdomen. I know without asking, it’s from a bullet. One that hadn’t been there the last time I saw him without his shirt. It cools my need, but not much. It’s always been hard to imagine him in the dangerous situations he must have been in when he was gone. He doesn’t like to talk about it much. But seeing the scars on his skin is a vivid reminder of everything he’s been through. The secrets about his job that I’ve never fully understood. My mind automatically wants to go to Ian, but I push the thoughts away. It would be an affront to them both for me to think of him now.
In this moment, I’m going to be selfish. I’m going to give in to the need for him I’ve been battling against for so damn long. I’m tired of resisting him and I’m going to stop fighting it.
He stands still underneath my hands as they’re moving over his skin. But not for long. He takes them in his and then steps back. “Your turn.”
I’m instantly blushing. I knew this was coming, but I had hoped it would be in the dark. Where he couldn’t see me so clearly. “Why don’t you get in the shower?”
He shakes his head and even though he’s not touching me, I can feel himeverywhere. “Not a chance. Strip.”
At this, I hesitate. Let’s be realistic, I just had a baby.Everythingis different. The last time we had sex, I was a lithe, perfect twenty-year-old. As much as I know he cares about me, there’s always that doubt that I won’t live up to his expectations. “My body isn’t the same, Cal. I’d rather you didn’t watch.”
