Page 33 of Operator
I give a heartless laugh. “We’ve doneeverythingwrong, Cal.”
“There isn’t a circumstance in this world where kissing you will ever be wrong.” He wants to say more; I can feel it, but like I can sense his feelings, the same is true for him. He knows I won’t budge now, so he says, “I’ll sleep on the couch tonight, give you some space. But I’m not going anywhere. I told you that, Gwen, and I meant it. I’m going to keep telling you until you believe me.”
I don’t answer because I don’t know what else there is to say.
If I open my mouth, I’m afraid I’ll admit I want him to do more than kiss me, eventually. And nothing more than to beg him to stay with me. To never leave, even though that’s exactly what I keep telling myself Ishouldn’twant. So I let the words go unsaid as he closes the door behind him.
“C’mon, you can’t just not go. Dad was so excited about this trip. You’d thinkhewas going to Florida.” Ian kneels down beside me on my front porch steps.
I hope he can’t see how red and puffy my eyes are. It’s been nearly three weeks since Cal left—just left—after telling me he didn’t think it would work between us. And I can’t tell a soul about it. They’d all just say I told you so. My mom. Bunny. Ian would probably never look at me the same.
So I’ve been left to face my heartbreak all on my own.
“He should be the one to go, not me. He’d love it.”
Ian scoffs and takes my hand in his. “Dad in Florida? He’d burn to a crisp and try to pet the alligators. No. You have to go. It’s your last couple of weeks of summer. It’ll be fun.”
I’d been looking forward to it since the Reeces surprised my parents with the trip at the beginning of summer break. I’d thought Cal and Ian would tag along and we could all have a great time before Cal left. Then his deployment got pushed up, and that was it.
Did he ever really care about me, or was it all only a game to get in my pants? I thought it was real…it felt real.
I focus back on Ian. “I don’t want to go with my parents,” I say sullenly, and I sound like a sulky teenager, which isn’t far from the truth, so it stings. I may be twenty and a full-time college student, but I’ve never felt more my age than now.
“Be realistic, Gwen,” Cal’s voice rings in my ears. “It was fun while it lasted, but we have to go our separate ways.”
“So don’t,” Ian says.
I blink at him. “What do you mean?”
“I’ll go with you.”
“I thought you had to go to BCT?”
“Not for another couple of weeks. We can both go, get a separate room, and hit the beach all day.”
“Like my parents would go for that.”
“They will if we pitch it as a romantic getaway for them.” Ian is nearly beside himself with excitement. “Besides, you know I always wanted to try snorkeling. And I bet the chicks down there are smokin’.”
I hadn’t thought anything could convince me to shake feeling so broken, but maybe it wouldn’t be so bad if Ian were there to keep me distracted. I immediately feel terrible the moment the thought crosses my mind. Ian isn’t a distraction. He’s one of my best friends. We practically grew up together, considering we’re closer in age than Callum and me. He was only a grade ahead, whereas Cal was a senior when I was a lowly freshman.
“Oh, so you only want to get laid,” I say wryly.
Ian grins, and it lifts my spirits. He’s always been the best at getting me to smile, even when I don’t feel like it. There’s a lightness in my chest that hasn’t been there since before Cal left. Maybe it wouldn’t be such a bad idea. A few days on the beach, some fun. I could really use some fun and a place that doesn’t remind me of Cal everywhere I turn.
“You kidding? I just want to get out from under Bunny’s watchful eye. She’s driving me crazy, trying to plan out my future once my enlistment is over. She’s gonna kill me when she finds out I plan to be a lifer.”
“What, you don’t want to take over the family business?” I tease.
“I’ll probably let her talk me into it after I do my twenty years, but I want to live a little first. Besides, I think she’s really so hard on me about it because Dad would rather sell everything and retire soon and she can’t let go.”
“Your mom hasn’t let go of anything a day in her life.”
Ian slumps on the porch step next to me. “Tell me about it. She would win a medal at guilt-tripping. She’s still pissed I even enlisted, and that was months ago. I reckon it’ll take Dad years to work up the balls to convince her to sell everything and retire somewhere.”
“Maybe we could convince them to retire to Florida, too.”
Grimacing, he says, “No way. They’d ruin it. Enough about them. Are you down with me or what?”
