Page 26 of Operator
I’m not her father.
But as I take her into my hands and feel her warm body against my chest, I wish like hell that I was.
The nurses help Gwen shower not too long after. To my eternal surprise, they leave the baby with me. I’ve never had much experience with kids and even less with babies, but I know without a doubt that Violet was meant for me. She curls up against me like she knows I’ll always keep her safe. Her eyes flutter underneath downy eyelashes, and her little hand wraps around my finger.
And that’s it.
I’m gone.
I thought I’d been lost for her mother, but in that moment, Violet has me.
Whatever she needs, whatever Gwen needs. I’ll give it to them.
I thought coming back would be about proving myself to my parents, but looking down at this little baby girl, I know the only two people I care about in this world are right here. Theirs is the only acceptance I need.
And I’ll spend every day from here on out showing up for her—for them.
No matter what.
CHAPTER ELEVEN
GWEN
I’ve never been soexhausted in my life, but I don’t care one bit.
“Now you’ll call me if you need anything, and I mean anything. You need a nap or a shower, I’ll be happy to hold that sweet grandbaby of mine.”
Bunny has said a variation of the same thing repeatedly over the last hour. For a while, I thought she wasn’t going to give Violet back to me, but she finally conceded. I’m not mad about it. I love that my daughter will have so many people who love her in her life. Plus, it was nice to grab an hour’s sleep here and there. I wish my parents would make the drive over to visit, but they seemed content with a FaceTime. Whatever, it doesn’t matter. I’ve got all the family I need here.
“I’ll call you if I need anything, I promise.” I punctuate the statement with a yawn.
Bunny and Cal share a look that I’m too tired to decipher. All I want to do is sleep for about fifty years, but I can’t stop staring. I’d changed Violet from her little coming home outfit into something a little cozier. She didn’t seem to care what she was wearing. She was fast asleep and curled against my chest, her tiny hands balled into fists. She couldn’t be any more perfect.
“Do you need anything?” Callum asks.
He hasn’t left my side since we got to the hospital. I’d told him he could go home any time, but naturally he didn’t. To be honest, a part of me didn’t really want him to go. I’ve never been as scared as I was when I realized the baby was coming. I was supposed to call Bunny to be there for the delivery, but there was no time, and I didn’t want to make her leave the hospital. Having Cal there…it meant more than I thought it would.
And not because he was a replacement for Ian.
But because he was Cal, and though his presence was always somewhat antagonistic, it was also comforting. Which didn’t make any sense, but I wasn’t in any hurry to make him leave. Something had been forged between us when he delivered Violet. I was loath to admit it, but I’m glad he was there.
“Some water if you don’t mind,” I say when I remember he’d asked me a question. “Maybe something to eat if it’s not too much trouble.”
“You just have to ask for whatever you need, Gwen. It’s not a burden. You rest up. I’ll make you a sandwich and bring you a jug of water. Does she need to be changed?”
I consider putting him off and changing her myself, but I’m not sure I’m up for too much walking. The soreness between my legs isn’t as bad as it could be, but the doctor warned me to take it easy nonetheless. “Yes. You’re sure you don’t mind?”
The corner of his lips pull into a smile and I breathe a little easier to see a smile on his face. “I’ve still got blood and God-only-knows-what all over my clothes. A little baby poop isn’t gonna bother me.”
“Okay, but when you’re done with all that, you should take a shower, at least.”
“I’ve got a change of clothes in the truck. I’ll shower after I get you both taken care of.”
He takes the baby from me and cuddles her small form against his chest. Guilt hits me like a punch in the middle that I’m not as sad as I should be that it’s not Ian holding her. I’m glad it’s Cal. Ian was a wonderful man, and I loved him so, so much. He was excited to be a dad. But last night? Ian wouldn’t have been able to handle delivering the baby on the side of the road. Bless his heart, but he would have panicked right alongside me. Cal had been wide-eyed, but steady. Beneath the frenzy and fear, I knew we’d be okay because he’d been there. Which is a far cry from how I used to feel about Cal.
“Thank you, Cal,” I say with a soft, tired smile.
“Don’t worry about it. Try to get some rest. I’ll put her back in the bassinet when she’s got a clean butt.”
