Page 52 of Deceit
Kai placed his hands on his hips as he towered over the end of Theo’s grave,his hair disheveled like he’djustrolled out of bed.“You didn’t need to come here for fresh air, idiot. What’s going on?”
I didn’t reply for a minute, my attention focused on the trees behind Kai,waiting for Theo to emerge. Tears stabbed my eyes as the last bit of hope was sapped from me when no one else appeared in the shadows.
I returned my watery gaze to Kai.“Do you come here often?”
He scrubbed a hand down his face.“You know this is a graveyard, right?Not a bar for you to chat me up?”
“I’m aware,” I snapped.
“Justchecking,”he replied, holding his hands up in surrender, the bite to histone now missing.“I wasn’t sure exactly how high you are.”
“Just answer the question.”
He sighed.“I dunno. Once, maybe twice a week.”Great.Thatmade me feellikeevenmore of a cunt for not coming once since Theo had died. As if reading my thoughts, Kai added,“It’s okay if you don’t come here, Miles. Not everyone deals with grief in the same way.”
I snorted.“Riley’s made you soft. I think that’s the first time I’ve heard youadmit you’re grieving.”
“Yeah, well. Near-death experiences and meeting the right woman make youre-evaluate things in life.”
His words struck a chord, and before I could stop myself, I blurted a truth I’dbeen holding onto for months.“I planned to die, you know.”His eyes narrowed on me, but he didn’t speak. I didn’t know if it was the weed still circulating in my blood or being this close to Theo’s gravethatmade me continue.“I had it all planned out. That’s why I agreed to marry Sofia.”
“What the hell are you talking about?”Kai barked.
I shifted in my spot on the grave, getting comfy and closing my eyes,allowing however much weed was still in my system to relax me.“I made a promise to Theo. After he died, I vowedthatI would kill whoever was responsible for his death, andthenI would join him in the ground. When I agreed to marry Sofia, I had no intention of going through with it. If I didn’t die in the fight, I was going to top myself.”
I couldn’t stop my lips from lifting into a small grin. My confession wasn’tfunny. Far from it. Yet, the confession sounded ridiculous nowthatI’d said it out loud.
I’d had every intention of going through with it, though. When I found hisbody down at the docks, and before Kai or anyone else arrived, I held Theo in my arms and made my vow to join him.
Every night in the monthsthatfollowed, before Riley came along, beforeany betrayal was discovered, I would lie on my bed, staring at the ceiling, and missing Theo like I was missing part of my soul. I’d remind myself of my plan. Remind myselfthatI only had to hold on for a little bit longer, andthenI would be reunited with him again.
My eyes flew open when hands wrapped around the collar of my shirt, and Iwas lifted off the ground, Kai’s snarling face an inch away from mine.“Repeatthat.”
I didn’t have the energy to wriggle out of his grasp. Instead, I shrugged.“Iwanted to die.”
Thump.
Kai’s fist collided with the side of my jaw, knocking me to my ass.Eveninmy drug haze, I knew he hadn’t hit me with his full strength. If he had, my jaw would have been broken instead of the dull achethatnow settled there.
“Ow,” I replied, rubbing my face. “What was that for?”
“Thatwas for being a selfish fucking prick,”Kai roared, standing over meand pointing at me like he was a school teacher scolding a naughty pupil.“What the fuck, Miles? Don’t you think we’ve suffered enough loss in our family? And now you’re telling meyouwant to die? You want to makemefucking sufferevenmore.”
His words broke as he tore his angry stare away from me, a muscle in hisjaw twitching. Guilt rushed through me. Kai rarely showed his emotions, but rightthen, he was wearing his hurt for the world to see.
“Figured you’d be okay,”I started, feeling like a grade-A cunt.“Especiallywhen Riley came along.”
His head whipped back to me, his eyes narrowing.“You’re missing thefucking point. You’re my family. My blood.”
I shook my head.“No. You’re missing the point.”Slowly getting to my feet,I faced Kai, defeat flowing through my veins.“I wanted to die.Wanted. Past tense. When we reclaimed the city, I could have stepped into the bullets fired at us. Hell, you think the Stag who shot me was aiming for my leg? He wasn't, and I could have quite easily not jumped out of the way. And every day since, I could have gone through with my plan to end it all. But here I am.”
It was my turn to look away, unable to meet the fury in Kai’s eyes. My fatheralways used to say I was a disappointment. He was right. I’d failed Theo when he needed me, andthenI’d broken my promise to join him. I was a failure. A disappointment to everyone.
“Why?”Kai asked, his tone a fraction softer.
“Take a guess.”
He didn’t answer straight away, and when I braved looking at him, I couldsee the cogs churning.
