Page 42 of Saddle and Scent
"No," I agree. "It can't."
But what's the alternative?
Let ourselves fall back into old patterns, circling her like moths to a flame until someone gets burned?
We tried that once. It nearly destroyed all of us.
The ride home is miserable, rain driving sideways now, but I barely feel it. All I can think about is the way she looked in that chair, small and alone, walls so high even we can't scale them anymore.
My Rebel Bell, caged by her own defenses.
The house is dark when I get back, empty in a way that echoes. I strip off wet clothes, shower until the hot water runs out, but nothing washes away the scent memory of her. It's in my skin now, under it, a permanent tattoo of want and regret.
I lie in bed, staring at the ceiling, and let myself imagine what would happen if we didn't hold back.
If we let ourselves be what nature intended—Alpha and Omega, matched and claimed.The thought sends heat racing through my veins, cock hardening despite my best efforts to think of literally anything else.
But it always ends the same way in these fantasies:with her leaving again.
Because that's what we do, the three of us.
We pull her close, drowning in the gravitational force of what we could be, and then we push her away before it consumes us all.
"Can't let our genetic makeup fuck shit up a second time," I mutter to the empty room.
Because that's what it comes down to, isn't it?
We're Alphas, she's an Omega, and in a town like Saddlebrush, that equation only ends one way.
With her claimed, bred, reduced to nothing more than what her biology dictates.
We swore we'd never let that happen to her.
Swore we'd keep her safe, even if it meant keeping our distance.
But fuck if it doesn't feel like we're all drowning anyway, just slower.
The rain finally stops near dawn, leaving the world washed clean and gleaming. I don't sleep,can't,too wound up with memories and might-have-beens. By the time the sun breaks the horizon, I've made a decision.
We can't keep playing this game, pretending we're strangers when every cell in my body recognizes her as mine.
But we also can't fall back into old patterns, the push and pull that nearly broke us all.
There has to be another way.
A path between letting her freeze us out and letting our instincts take over.
I just hope we can find it before she runs again.
Because I don't think any of us would survive losing her twice.
7
DREAMS AND COLD SHOWERS
~JUNIPER~
The words taste like surrender as they leave my mouth.
