Page 83 of Dahlias, Sapphires, and Cool Autumn Dusk
A pitcher wet with condensation waited in front of us on a table. He poured us both a glass, the ice clinking cheerfully. I defended my choices, pointing out, “Someday, I’ll drink. I will.” A lot of things that used to be hard nos for me had become maybes, but it would be a process in my mind of getting used to things and feeling safe again.
“We’ll have a glass together when that day comes, but don’t feel pressured by me.”
I sat on one of the couches and after a second, Jer joined me. He smelled clean, like soap, so I breathed him in and closed my eyes.
“Was this really what you wanted to do for your birthday, or did you do it for me because you thought it was what I would want and you always get what you want, Jeremy Lent?”
His sigh moved through me, making me shiver with awakened needs. “I wouldn’t want to do this alone or just with my brothers. Or my friends or teammates. Actually, I even find boating with my family tedious. Eric always decides he is Captain of the Ocean then starts overusing marine terms… It’s a whole thing. But, I want this with you. For my birthday? Sure, and also I loved the cake.”
I laughed. “No, you didn’t. It was barely edible, but you made a real effort and I appreciate that. Maybe I’ll get better at baking. . .or maybe I am not meant to bake.”
He pinched me jokingly. “Ididlike it. You read me wrong.”
Then he leaned over and kissed me. I responded eagerly, right there on the Hudson River, on a yacht. I could never have imagined any of it, especially under the stars with the Manhattan skyline as our only witness.
“I don’t care where you were born or about your name. It is my intention, in three years…” He held up that many fingers andwiggled them at me. “To give you my last name. We’ll be young, but if I could, I would marry you today. Instead, we’ll wait until I’m twenty-one and you’ll be twenty. Then take my last name and have one I gave you gladly.”
I caught my breath, cupping his face in my hands. “Jeremy, what a beautiful dream.”
“I’ll make this one come true.”
In that moment, I believed him.
We went back to wash,rinse, repeat, which I loved, since the ease of routine soothed my soul. Rosalind caught the flu, and apparently it got pretty bad, delaying our lunch together—which was fine by me. At some point, I knew it would catch up with me, but I could obsess about it then. Dina showed up smiling again, fit as a fiddle, proving I worried for nothing. I sighed a little, because I wasn’t sure if my fears about her were real or just a reflection of my abandonment issues.
Regardless, routines were my happy place, my idea of heaven. Or maybe the guys were heaven? Leaves started changing in October, red peeking out here and there to hint at what would come. I reveled in it, and in having a place to belong.
Maybe tomorrow, I would go on a nature walk in the park, just to look at the leaves?
Better to think about that than about how hard I tried not to drown. I shouldn’t be daydreaming during a game, but it was all I could manage as I continued my egg beaters. Someone from the other team threatened to scratch up my back with her should-have-been-cut fingernails, or what felt like cartoonishly long claws. I swam left and she backed off, thankfully, but my back ached from her attack.
I scanned the pool, trying to think about more than not drowning. Which made me think aboutPoor Relation, which I needed to make another episode for, possibly tonight? I could be eating pizza, I realized bitterly as the claw girl caught up to me again.I could be planning how to make Phoenix’s birthday cake even better than the one I made for the twins.
I swam backwards and—oh, fuck—managed to get my hands on the ball. What was Sarah thinking? Why would she pass to me? I couldn’t ask, so I swam for all I was worth. The crowd started to shout as I sliced through the water, keeping hold of the ball in a combination of luck and skill. My opponent tried to take it from me, but she didn’t get close. I shot past her, surprised to be faster in the water than before. Not fast enough, maybe, but faster than when I started. I focused on the goalie, moving as if locked on target. People shouted, but I didn’t hear a whistle. The whistles seemed constant during the boys’ games, but our refs apparently wanted to let us drown.
Me? Bitter? Never.As I approached her, the goalie’s eyes were wide, but if I had breath, I would’ve told her not to worry. Ineverscored. Not in practice. Not ever, so I knew I didn’t have a snowball’s chance in hell when I lifted my arm and aimed for the left side of the goal.
As the ball soared through the air, I held my breath. I watched it like a miracle happening before my very eyes. The goalie tried to stop it, but she missed. The ball went into the goal, and the crowd went wild. I must have yelped? The bell clamored loudly, chiming over the noise.The end-of-game bell. What?I stared blankly at my teammates as they started to shout and punch their fists in the air.Why? What happened?My gaze flew to the scoreboard—oh! We tied. Wetied.Wait, because of me?I blinked in shock, but I realized my shot got us the tie.
I swam for the side, surprised I somehow stayed above water despite my utter shock. I practically pulled myself out ofthe water next to Sarah, who immediately started hugging me. Valerie hugged me, too, while my teeth clattered a bit from shock. Everyone looked so happy, so I grinned back despite my shaking hands. I didn’t have to say anything—I tied the game. ’Nuff said.
It didn’t mesh with my mental picture of myself.Who would’ve thought it?Not me, not me ever.
Sometime later, after I showered, I collected hugs from the three high- school- age Lents who waited outside our locker rooms. Even Phoenix, who hated the pool, attended to see me play. Barrett had a class late tonight, including a test, which made him grumpy because he couldn’t skip. He’d barely grunted goodbye as he rushed out the door with his shoulders hunched that morning.
I couldn’t help my big silly grin at the available Lents. “Yeah, Ididthat. Did you see me? I mean, it’s probably a one and done, but still!”
“Maybe it’s the beginning of a streak,” Julian said and hugged me again, taking advantage of my win to hold me close against him for a moment. “I’m trying so hard not to kiss you. Iwantto kiss you. More than anything.”
Sarah rushed past us, smacking my back as she passed. “Party at my house. Right now, and don’t bother saying no, Al. Iwillcome get you. We’re having a big party to celebrate. Huge.”
Jeremy called out to her, “She doesn’t go to parties without us.”
I don’t?I could’ve argued for my independence or something, but I didn’t bother since I didn’t really want to go to any parties without them.
She sighed. “Then I guess you can come, Lent. Come on. Bring your friends. We just fuckingtied.”
I cleared my throat, focusing on the Lents. “We don’t have to go, if you guys don’t want to, so don’t feel pressured on my account.”
