Page 71 of Dahlias, Sapphires, and Cool Autumn Dusk
“Aren’t we all? It’s the nature of things. Everyone wants things, but there’s so little we can’t have, right? Perhaps we want Alatheia for a while. I don’t know if you’re taking pity on her because of your granny?—”
He interrupted. “You’re nowhere close.”
“I know I need new friends, because Greer is stupid and Maggie is crazy. They might have become that way because of you, so you could take responsibility. Alatheia won’t tell me what she wants, so I’m likely to be frustrated until I figure it out.”
Davis grinned as he joined us. “Me. She wants me. She just doesn’t know it yet.”
I tried to keep my expression blank, but I frowned in response.Not in the slightest.Ew, actually.It was one of the few things I knew for sure.
Murial and Davisleft in a waiting black car before Jer pulled me into a tight hug.
“I love you, ” he whispered in my ear before he shuddered against me.
I held on tightly, as if I could ground him in the present with me. “I don’t care what she said about you. She doesn’t know you.”
“I care what you hear, though. I shouldn’t have done some of that shit, but I never pretended to have long-term feelings for anyone before you. I didn’t, regardless of what they might say. Could you even imagine explaining my family to Maggie?”
I giggled at the thought then put my head on his shoulder. He smelled so warm and safe. “Jer, why Maggie? I mean, she’s nuts. Clearly. It seems like you knew that, so why her?”
“I don’t know, actually.” He kissed the top of my head. “I did a lot of stupid shit. Maybe I wanted to avoid things I can’t control and didn’t know how to handle? I’m sorry that isn’t much of an answer.” A car horn sounded near us, and I jumped, which made him laugh gently in my ear. “I’ve got you, Princess. There’s no one else for me. Nothing meaningless, just you. Forever.”
“I don’t care who you were with before, I really don’t. I understand people will throw them in my face at Pullman , partially because they want to see if they get a response, since they don’t know what we’re doing. Maybe she tried to warn me off?” I still didn’t understand her, and I shook my head, not sure if I should ever understand her. “Anyway, hopefully she’ll move on to something new. Everything you said was incredibly sweet. I’m trying. Okay? I think you know how I feel about you, but it's hard to let myself relax. We can blame trauma, if you like. If I don’t get sent away, I’ll calm down a lot. Be patient with me.”
He kissed my temple, and I practically sagged against him. I loved melting into him, until he basically held us both upright.
“Always. Always. What do you want? I mean, you won’t tell her, but will you tell me?”
I lifted my head to kiss him on the lips, which made him smile. “For now? I want that. Thank you for coming with me.”
“Something’s wrong with Phoenix,and I don’t know…I justknow.” Julian chewed on his lip then ran a hand through his hair, pacing back and forth as if he couldn’t stay still. I blew out a breath, realizing his stress meant my movie plan wouldn’t happen. We kept saying we would take an afternoon off, maybe go see a movie, but it didn’t seem to be in the cards for us.
Jer crossed his arms over his chest, considering his brother carefully. “What do you mean?”
Barrett entered from the kitchen, his expression also creased with worry. “I think he took something else. Not the regular K-hole, I think he took something else. Seems really off.”
I widened my eyes, glancing between the brothers quickly. “Should we call an ambulance? Call Eric? What do we do?”
Julian shook his head. “I don’t know. They threatened him, so if he gets in trouble again, he’s gone. I’m not calling our parents unless we lose his pulse.”
I decided I wouldn’t know more until I saw Phoenix, who was in his room. I found him pacing from one end of it to the other in large, measured strides, his head down as he seemed to talk to himself. “Phoenix? You okay?”
He couldn’t seem to hear me past the voices in his mind, still muttering to himself.
“See?” Julian and Jeremy said from behind me.
I ignored them, focused on their brother. I grabbed his arm. “Phoenix? Are you okay?”
His eyes focused on my face, but he didn’t seem to see me. “I have to find Alatheia before they take her to the dark place.”
He wants to find me?“I’m right here. I’m talking to you. We’re together right now.”
Jer whistled through his teeth. “He’s on a dark trip somewhere. Did he go anywhere while we were out?”
“To Joe’s. I can text him, see if he knows what he took. Good call. Don’t bother trying, since he won’t answer you and will probably hide for days because he’s terrified of you.”
Jules left the room, phone in hand. I wasn’t nearly as worried about the drugs as the fact Phoenix genuinely seemed afraid. My heart turned over, and I gripped his hands, tempted to weep for him. I’d seen him freaked out about rainstorms, and sometimes in his sleep he said he needed to find his way home.This isdifferent.He might have been afraid then, but he knew where he was in the storm. His dreams evaporated if I stroked his head or kissed him gently. In this case, I didn’t know how to find him, but I knew he was lost in a dark place.
I wrapped my arms around him to stop his frenetic motion. He struggled a bit against me, saying, “They’re going to take her to the dark place. I can’t let them take her, you don’t understand. I’ll find her, if they take her. Somehow.”
