Page 49 of Dahlias, Sapphires, and Cool Autumn Dusk
Message notifications hit my phone like a cascade.
The first one was actually from Tiffany, but I ignored it to check the group chat with the Lents. Everything else could wait. I touched the pearls around my neck, since I slept in them for comfort. They deserved better than the way I treated them, but I didn’t even know if they would let me keep them if they kicked me out. What was the rule for gifts when it came to ex-girlfriends?
My last message—leave me alone—was at the top. About half an hour later, a stream of other messages flooded the chat.
Jeremy:What? You went up there? When? WTF. How did I miss this? Are you okay? I’m coming home.
Barrett:Jer, did you leave? Alatheia, are you okay? What happened? I’ll be there fast. What did they do to you? What happened?
Julian:Are you up, Baby? If you’re up, please come out and talk to us. I’m sorry we missed all your messages and left you alone.
Phoenix:Alatheia, are you okay? What is happening?
They gave up after they got home, but I didn’t know if that was good or bad. As quietly as I could manage, I opened Jeremy’s door and crept into the living room. Abruptly, I stopped short, shocked at the room. They were all passed out on the couches and the floor, sprawled across the room as if discarded by a storm. The twins snored, out cold on the carpet, while Barrett took up the entire big chair and Phoenix lay on the couch.
Why wouldn't they use the beds? Only Jer should have been inconvenienced, and there was a mattress on the floor in Barrett’s room he could’ve used.
In any case, they freed me up to sneak past them into Barrett’s bathroom where I brushed my teeth, which was pivotal. I needed a shower and my own regular clothes, too. I didn’t feel like bothering to pretend to be one of them.
On silent feet, I crept to my dresser. I’d only slept about three hours, so they likely got less. I closed Barrett’s door, anyway, to ensure my noise didn’t bother them, then quickly showered. Once I was finally clean, dressed in my slightly ripped jeans and the t-shirt I practically lived in day in and day out in Chicago, I started on my laundry.
A hand touching my back made me jump. I whirled around to see Jeremy before he pulled me into a tight hug.
“I’m so sorry,” he mumbled into my hair.
He’s sorry?It didn’t make sense to me. “For what? I am sorry. I…”
“No, we left you alone. I don’t know what happened, but you got scared, and not one of us checked our phones. I was totally preoccupied. It doesn’t matter. I’m sorry.” He kissed my neck, free of pearls since I finally stored them properly. “I love you and I’m sorry. Tell me what happened, and it’ll be handled.”
Jeremy couldn’t handle this situation, and I knew it, so I shook my head. “I don’t know if I should even talk about it. I don’t know what I would say, anyway. I can’t…”
“You’re exhausted,” he whispered in my ear, so I closed my eyes and leaned into him. “And you hardly slept, because I know what time you got home. I liked thinking about how, if you weren’t going to be with me, then you were in my bed, surrounded by my scent. I knew it would keep you safe. It may sound ridiculous, but that’s how I felt.” He squeezed me again, making me sigh. “Come on, let’s go lay down in Barrett’s bed. We can watch some television. If you don’t want to talk yet, you don’t have to talk.”
I swallowed, because he didn’t get it. “I made a big deal out of something stupid, then I made you leave your party. I’m sorry.”
“You didn’t make me leave the party. It wasn’t my party in the first place. At Murial’s party, you got summoned upstairs—which is insane—and you needed me but I wasn’t there. You can make a big deal about me letting you down. You are allowed to take up space in my life. Do you understand?Take up space.Take up my time. I need you, too.”
I shook my head, because he still didn’t get it. “I need to be able to handle things myself, anyway. I can’t be so reliant on all of you. What good is it if I fall apart when you’re not with me? I’ve pushed through worse than last night on my own before, and I didn’t feel like this afterward. I can’t expect you to be there for me every second of the day.”
“Yes, actually, you can,” he whispered near my ear. “We just found out we have to go to California for two days. I was dealingwith some emotions, and lost track of life for an hour. I also got drunk, which didn’t help.”
I nodded. “I heard. Davis told me.”
He pulled away, searching my expression. “Davis told you?”
I wiped at my eyes, pleased when I realized they were still dry. I didn’t know how I managed it, but I felt as if I would burst into tears at any second. “Yeah, Davis told me. He told me how you had to go to get beaten in California, so you and Julian got drunk in the basement. He also told me Phoenix was in the kitchen with the other addicts, and that Barrett was out back drunk, but he was sober, like me. It wasn’t safe to be drunk with so many vultures around. He told me that, among other things.”
Jeremy’s face turned to stone. “That fucker.”
“What about it bothers you? Nothing he said bothered me, so much as the way he looked at me.” I shivered a bit, remembering.
Jeremy jumped up on the washing machine and pulled me up to sit next to him. “So, how did he look at you?”
“Like…I don’t really know how to explain it? But something about the way he looked at me felt like he could have me if he decided he wanted me whether I wanted it or not.”
He nodded. “That’s what made me so mad, now that I think of it. I knew he knew things he shouldn’t, but where we all were, that description. It was like he was trying to own us to you?” He grimaced. “Was it Davis who made you so upset?”
I took a deep breath. “No. I mean, he even offered to bring me to you.”
