Page 65 of Dahlias, Sapphires, and Cool Autumn Dusk
Once they left, Phoenix disappeared into his room, but I expected him to need something after the encounter. The other Lents remained quiet, so I left them to their thoughts. I focused all my worry toward Phoenix, and gathered all my bravery to knock on his door, despite him leaving it part way open.
“Hey,” I said then leaned against the frame, hoping I looked casual. “You okay?”
He stared out the window, sitting in the window seat with his arms around one bent leg. “I’m foggy in the head, but they killed my buzz. That leaves me just foggy.”
I couldn’t pretend to understand what he meant. I joked, “Maybe some time, I’ll try it so I know what you mean.”
He spun to face me, his face intense. “I’m not a violent man, but I would destroy anyone who gave you drugs.”
I shouldn’t like him going all protective, but it warmed me up inside. “Okay,” I said simply then walked over to drape my arms around his neck. “It’s late.”
“Give me a little while to think? I think I need to go to the lake this summer. I’m not a kid anymore. If I look them in the eyes, maybe I’ll remember something. Will you come with me?”
I usually would remind them I might have to leave, and tell them how I didn’t have any control over the situation, but I recognized it wasn’t the time for that. “Anywhere you go, I’ll go. You’re going to the lake? I’m there, too.”
“Thank you.”
We rocked, almost slow dancing without music, there in his bedroom. Finally, he spoke against my hair. “If I knew how much I would love you, I wouldn’t have taken so long to find you.”
I shook my head. “Your brother only beat you to me by a few days.”
“Too many,” he said and closed his eyes. “I think we should head to Barrett’s room before I fall asleep standing up. Thank you for bringing back my high.” He laughed, his smile a bit goofy. “The Alatheia high.”
We walked arm in arm, then dropped together onto Barrett’s bed . I heard water running, which meant Barrett would be in the shower, and the twins weren’t in the bedroom yet. By the time he came out of the bathroom, Phoenix snored as he held me close.
His oldest brother remained silhouetted as he considered us for long moments before he said softly, “If I could go back, I would get kidnapped instead of him.”
I stroked Phoenix’s hair. “Sounds like they tried to take you.”
“I don’t remember the puking. I only remember him being taken. Then again, I always have to ask myself, could I have survived it like he did? You see him now, and he’s about a million different things. He’s brilliant, smart, kind, funny… but totally out of it most days. All of that remains true, but the other kidsdidn’t get away alive. Phoenix did. He made it. Would I have made it? Could any of us, if we were in his place?”
I offered my hand, so he came to me and took it. I tugged him closer, trying to ignore the way my stomach cramped and the headache was forming in my temples. For the moment, I could ignore it. “That’s quite a heavy load of guilt you’re carrying around, Barrett Lent.”
“Guilt and gratitude. As fucked up as we are, we’re all still here.”
I smiled. “For that, I am grateful, too.”
My sketch from their mother rested on Barrett’s desk, since I didn’t really have anywhere else to put it. He shared everything with me, including his bathroom. I got out of the bed then moved past him to quickly take care of my unfortunate period needs. When I came back, he was reading cross legged on the floor. The twins still didn’t make an appearance, which wasn’t like them, so I frowned.
I hoped they weren’t guilt tripping themselves like Barrett… “Be right back,” I whispered to him.
He nodded. “Don’t let Jeremy make any big plans that can blow up.”
I blew out a breath, since it proved Barrett knew exactly what I was thinking. He was thinking it, too. I followed the sound of their voices to Jer’s room, where they stood shirtless and ready for bed. The sight of them honestly took my breath away for a few seconds, so it took me a minute to catch onto their low voices arguing.
“They’re going to have to deal with it. I’m not going to college until we get this sorted. It’s time they told us specifically who took Phoenix. They have to give us answers. I’m sick of them trying to bury it and hope it goes away. They managed it before for twelve years and things still blew up on them. No, this has tobe handled.” Jeremy punched his fist into his opened hand then propped his hands on his hips.
Julian nodded. “Okay, so we graduate then go down there. We don’t leave until someone responsible pays for fucking with our family and hurting our little brother.”
I knocked, so they would realize I’d heard their plan. “Phoenix intends to visit this summer, too. I didn’t ask Barrett, but I would guess it’s the general consensus. No Hamptons until after the lake, because I told Phoenix I would go, too.”
Jer’s shoulders sagged, but instead of looking relieved, he seemed to take on more weight. “It makes things easier, at least. They never manage to stop us or even slow us down when we move collectively.”
He slipped an arm around me, tugging me close with a sigh. “I wish it had been me.”
I knew it. Obsessing.Even if they all suffered trauma, they knew only Phoenix suffered forever.
Julian joined us, sliding into my other side as if he belonged there. “I’m glad you’re coming, but you’re wrong, Jer. It should’ve been me.”
