Page 32 of Dahlias, Sapphires, and Cool Autumn Dusk
Remembering the past couple of years, tears threatened to spill, because I realized even if they didn’t think so, the Lents could vanish overnight, too. They said they would come with me if I went away to boarding school, but it wasn’t realistic.Theirlives are here.Phoenix seemed like he might live three different kinds of lives all by himself, between school, drugs, and skating.
I like two of the three.
Not to mention their secret family life and their whole existence in the Hamptons.
I thought about Barrett, probably in some college classroom, and the twins at water polo, but they would be in college next year, too. They wouldn’t be flying off to sit with me in whatever boarding school Aunt Tricia shoved me in.
As I watched, Phoenix pushed off with one foot, ready to go again. The people in the skatepark looked at him with respect, but not because of his name or his money. No one cut him a wide berth or rolled their eyes at him. He was one of them, and crazy talented.
Sometimes he even managed to go vertical, or vert, as they called it. The air seemed to capture him, holding him upright until he maneuvered himself back to the ground with practiced ease. Doing it one more time, he turned to grin at me.
“Do you want to try it?”
I blinked in surprise.On his board, no pads, with everyone else around quasi-professional skaters?Do I want to fall on my ass in front of them?It sounded terrifying, if I was honest.
“I’m good,” I said and got to my feet. It was getting late, and the twins would be getting home soon. “How about if we get going? I want to stop at the grocery store near the house and grab some things. I want to make dinner.” A thought dawned on me, because I didn’t want to force Phoenix to go home. I wanted him to enjoy his afternoon. “You can stay here, if you want. I remember how we got here. I’ll just reverse engineer.”
He shook his head. “Don’t be crazy. Of course I’m coming with you. Cooking? This is a new thing?”
“A trying it thing.” I smiled at him. “You were so good. I mean, you’re really incredible. How did you learn how to do allof that? ” I gestured back at the skatepark as if encompassing all of it.
He set down his board and offered me his hand as he did every time. “Hal and I tried it together. We used to be best friends. We did everything together.”
Hal?I searched my memory for a face in a sea of new names then I remembered—Tiffany’s boyfriend, the one who did drugs, too. She mentioned Hal missed Phoenix, but I didn’t really know the dynamic.
I jumped on the back of his board and held onto him, leaning my forehead against his back and wrapping my arms around him. I trusted him implicitly, so I simply held on tightly because he felt good in my arms.
We reached the subway, though Barrett would probably have preferred it if we’d gotten a car service. At the bottom of the stairs, Phoenix caught my hand, squeezing our fingers together before he brought them to his mouth to kiss them.
I put my head on his shoulder while we waited, comfortable with him. “Can I ask a question?”
“Always. I know I was a dick this morning, and I’m sorry. Don’t be...intimidated around me. I’m still me.”
I stared up at his hard profile, biting my lip and considering my words carefully despite his claim. “Why did you stop being friends with Hal? All Tiffany would say is he uses too, and he misses you.”
He looked down at his feet. “When his parents cued into what he was doing, they blamed me for it. Truthfully, Hal is who got me into the stuff, but he blamed me, which was whatever. He got my parents involved, or at least Kit and Mom. Eric is actually my dad, as you know, not that it mattered. They all stared at me with such disappointment. It’s not like we have an awesome parent-child relationship to begin with, if I’m honest. They know who I am. Daniel actually saidI never thought you’d do this tosomeone else. It was horrible.” He looked away. “Rather than take responsibility for the fact that he got caught, he screwed me. Now, he doesn’t even get it, because he doesn’t know.”
I nodded. “About your family dynamic?”
“Right, but it’s not even that. Things are tenuous for me with them. If my brothers didn’t love me so much, and cover for me, I wouldn’t still be here. They would’ve sent me away to who knows where a long time ago then thrown away the directions of how to find me again.”
I caught my breath, because although I didn’t think his parents would abandon him, I didn’t know for sure. Rosalind had been half out of her mind the whole time I knew them. His fathers seemed like they were always running in circles—sometimes figuratively, sometimes otherwise—to keep things together.
But at the end of the day, it wasn’t what mattered. “I’m sorry that happened. Hal is obviously not to be trusted.”
He shrugged. “Maybe he’s changed but I doubt it. He’s arguably more of a junkie than me but probably not much more.”
“Hey,” I said and squeezed against him tighter. “Don’t talk about yourself that way. I don’t like it. Do you want to stop doing what you’re doing?”
The train chose that second to arrive with a screech. People started darting around and he pulled me onto it with him. I was on one side and the board was in his other hand, which meant he had to wrap his arm around the pole for support while he held his board at the same time.
I wasn’t going to get an answer to my question right then. My timing couldn’t have been worse. Then again, it was totally possible Phoenix would outright not answer me.
Instead, he kissed me, hard on the lips, stealing my breath and my thoughts. “Yes, but you’re going to have to let me do it in my time. I’ve got some things to work out first, okay?”
“Whatever you want, however you want it. I won’t press.”
He nodded once as we jerked forward. “I know, because you’re you. But I don’t want my brothers tokeep on keeping onas you said earlier. I’ve got to think about some things. I don’t want to be the weak link you all eventually have to release.”
