Page 26 of Dahlias, Sapphires, and Cool Autumn Dusk
I waited a second as if he would answer instantly, but he didn’t. I decided to check my other notifications while I waited for his response.
Tiffany sent me a gorgeous unicorn, and I guessed it was her latest art piece. I sent back a heart emoji, hoping it wasn’t weird. I hoped I wouldn’t overthink every single interaction, but I feared I would because I’d never tried to make friends before.
I really shouldn’t overthink it, I decided, flipping to the next message. Bethany texted too, selfies in her school uniform but with her hair in three different styles.Which one?she demanded.
She wants my opinion on her hair? I typed back honestly,I have no idea. All look good.
I noticed a water polo group chat that I didn’t have before, and I scrolled through the messages discussing a schedule for practices. . . I had never in my life had so many messages, not to mention on the same day.
Bethany answered my text first, saying,I’ll try all three this week, and we’ll see if you’re right.
I chewed my bottom lip, deciding whether or not I should reply, then remembered Jeremy. I placed my hand on his shoulder, squeezing gently. “Jer, don’t sleep here. Come on, let’s go to bed.”
He blinked awake, kind of moaning before his eyes cleared and focused on me. “Hey, Princess. What’s going on?”
“Bedtime,” I explained, enjoying his sleepy loose limbs.
He nodded and kind of wobbled his way into the bedroom after giving me a passing kiss. I stared down at the phone, not sure what to do because Phoenix still hadn’t answered me.Maybe he isn’t going to.
I ran a hand through my hair. I didn’t think I would be able to sleep a wink worrying about him.
I wanted to ask the guys what to do, but I hesitated, afraid he would think I asked them to check on him if they went over.
Finally, I entered the bedroom to find it silent. They had each taken their places already, with Jeremy on the mattress on the floor, already fast asleep. Julian and Barrett left me a spot on the bed in between them, but they also seemed unconscious.
I reminded myself that his brothers would be worried if something was actually wrong, turned off the light, and climbed between them. The soft bed enveloped me, their scents so warm and safe, yet different. I sighed, realizing I was used to having Phoenix beside me every night.
The twins snored, a familiar and comfortable sound, like a white noise to me at this point. As I settled down, adjusting the covers around me, I let myself drift into the sounds in the room.
Despite my best efforts, I couldn’t sleep, though. Perhaps my ghostlight glowed too bright?
Barrett laughed, a low sound, and I wasn’t surprised because sometimes he talked in his sleep. He rolled over, pulling meagainst his chest. “Alatheia,” he whispered, his eyes not really open. “There you are. Sleep.”
Julian rolled over too, his forehead snug against my back. They were there, and all would be well. I tried to force myself to sleep by closing my eyes.
I must have slept, but it didn’t feel like I got much rest. I woke when the twins got up for practice, startling awake as they tried to sneak away. Julian kissed my shoulder, audibly exhaling before he climbed out of the bed. I lifted my head, glancing around the dim room to verify Phoenix never showed up. I hoped he would have snuck in during the night.
Jeremy crossed the room, giving my foot a gentle squeeze as he passed. I rolled into the place where Julian had been, stealing what remained of his warmth as I stared at the ceiling. Barrett murmured and then opened his eyes. “Why so far away?” he grumbled, his voice rougher than usual.
I smiled then rolled into his open arms. “I don’t know. Just…not able to sleep.”
“Try to doze in my arms for a little bit. We’ll have coffee in an hour.”
I didn’t disagree, tucking into his warmth and heartbeat.
They had lived with Phoenix’s comings and goings a lot longer than me, and none of them seemed worried. If they could sleep and not worry about it obsessively, then I would have to figure it out, too. Time passed slowly, my eyes closed and breathing slow as I listened to the twins leaving the apartment. The air conditioner switched on and off, cooling us with a gentle breeze. Outside, cars honked their horns and a siren went off. Finally, Barrett’s alarm jangled.
He rolled over to turn it off, so I hugged him when he rolled back.His arms are safety. It sounded stupid in my own head, but it was all I could think right then.
“Good morning.” He kissed my head. “Did you sleep okay? I passed out before you came to bed. I guess it was a long day.”
I smiled, staring up into his brown eyes. “I slept, but Phoenix didn’t come home unless he slept in another room.”
He nodded. “And you’re worrying about him.” He didn’t phrase it as a question but then it wasn’t one. “He doesn’t think. Unfortunately, this won’t be the only time he sleeps at Jo’s, unless he is willing to take some steps to stop. Jo is a factor. I don’t know why he was like that yesterday. But…yeah. I’m sorry.”
“You don’t have to be sorry. You didn’t do anything wrong,” I said, trying to brush it off as I got out of bed. “I’m going to go make us coffee.”
I tried to pretend I didn’t think about the fact Phoenix promised to make my coffee, since he wasn’t there, and I still needed to make it through my second day of school regardless.
