Page 48 of A Secret Infatuation
Sophia tangled her fingers together, attempting to respond with the perfect words. “I am sorry you were hurt, and that he did not return your regard.” At this, her friend turned in her seat, a skeptical look in her eyes.
“Are you?” Marie asked sardonically. “Truly? For it seems to me that you have a very decided regard for Mr. Harwood, and that you would be very blue if he did not return it. Fortunately for you both, it seems that he does.”
As surprising as it was to hear it, her friend’s speech was the opening to the floodgate that sent hope pouring into her, and she swallowed hard. It was time for the truth to come out.
“I have had a very decided regard for him for any number of years. Four, to be precise.” She dared to lift her eyes and meet Marie’s. “He rescued me four years ago in the drawing room of Chawleigh Manor. Robert said something to me…” She pressed her lips together and shook her head. “Something not worth repeating, and I was sunk with embarrassment. Mr. Harwood came and turned everyone’s attention away from me. I don’t know how he did it, but he managed to defend me, call Robert a boor, and not set up his hackles when he did so.” She puzzled her brow and said again, “I don’t know how he did it.”
Marie’s mouth opened in indignation. “Lady Sophia Rowlandson. All this time you have liked him and have not said a word to me! Even when I said that he was handsome and hoped he would turn his eyes my way.” She set her hand on Sophia’s arm, forcing her to look at her directly.
“You have to tell me these things. I believe I am your closest friend. I dare hope so after all these years, and I know you are mine. I don’t expect to know everything that is on your heart, for you have never been one to speak before you are ready. But something as big as this? I should have been made aware. I would have stepped aside right from the beginning.” She frowned. “It is what friends do.”
Sophia knew Marie was right, and suddenly her refusal to disclose something so important seemed shameful. She covered her face with her hands and leaned forward. “I know I should have told you, yet I could not bring myself to do it. I was certain he would like you better than me.”
“That is outrageous,” Marie protested. “How can you think such a thing?”
Sophia lifted her head to look at her. “The only qualities I have in my favor are my face and my rank. Some might think those the highest qualifications, but a man who is worthy enough to attract my regard would not. He would hope for something much deeper.”
Marie did not look convinced. “But you have something much deeper. You are not simply the sum of your face plus your rank. Your heart is worthy and noble; it is time you started valuing yourself with justice.”
The words touched Sophia but did not convince her. “He is a member of Parliament and will need a woman who is capable of organizing social gatherings—of speaking to people. That is not me.”
“Not every member of Parliament needs such a wife,” Marie retorted. “And I am not entirely certain you are as hopeless at organizing events or speaking to people as you seem to think. Give yourself a chance for these skills to be nurtured. Then, you will see what you are capable of.”
A silence fell between them, and Sophia looked at her sheepishly. “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you.”
Marie let out a huff. After a moment, she put her arm around Sophia and squeezed her in an embrace. “It is all right.”
She laughed suddenly. “And it might not all be for naught, for having been spurned by Mr. Harwood, I have been forced into the company of Mr. Edwards.” Her eyes twinkled when Sophia turned to look at her. “And I am not finding him as uninteresting as I once did.”
* * *
Marie did not remain at Grosvenor Square for much longer, and Sophia bid her farewell, then took refuge in her room. She stared from her window at the houses opposite on Brook Street, deep in thought about all her friend had revealed. Marie had suspected Sophia’s secret, and she had told Mr. Harwood who she was. The implications were astounding. It meant that when he had spoken those words in the magic of the evening, he had known—had known it was her.
The woman I love is strong and able to raise her voice to defend the weak.
…is pure of heart.
She is the one I am destined to love.
And then…
The woman I love has pierced my heart and made me unfit for anyone else.
Until now, she had not permitted herself to dwell on these words because she had convinced herself that they had been spoken about someone else. But now, she knew he had meant them for her. What did that mean? Would he drift back to how things were before? He had never spoken to her directly of courtship. What would he do now? She longed for direct words. Oh, if only he would put me out of misery and remove all doubt!
She went over to her desk and pulled out her memento book. Sitting, she turned to a new page and took a pencil. She was about to sketch a row of Chinese lanterns, but instead drew a wherry pulled up against a bank. On the meadow nearby, a picnic sat on a blanket. When she was satisfied with that, she turned the page and sketched the lanterns, then two loo masks. She added a moon and stars and an arrow mid-flight.
A nervous, happy fluttering had taken flight inside. She had never experienced such a thing and couldn’t believe it was real. It was almost impossible to sit still. If only he would come to call. Or she could go to Hyde Park in hopes of seeing him there. But then what if he did call, and she missed his visit? Groaning softly, she dropped her head on her arms. The not knowing was as torturous as Diana and Endymion’s plight ever was.
Chapter 21
After the masquerade, Felix was easily able to dismiss Robert’s confrontation from his mind. However, he went over his interlude with Lady Sophia again and again. She had likely fled during the fireworks because she had seen Robert coming, but could he be sure that was the reason? Perhaps she disappeared because he had overstepped the bounds of what was proper, offering words of love cloaked in ambiguity when they were both in disguise. He had thought…he had been sure that she returned his feelings. There had been evidence of it before, and even that night he didn’t think his confession was unwelcome. Was her sudden disappearance due only to Robert, or was it her shyness—or him? If it was because she feared Robert, she should have known he would protect her. Unless she believed he had spoken lightly.
His ardent wish was to see Lady Sophia immediately and give relief to his overmastering desire to let her know that all of his words had been spoken in great earnest. However, he had the appointment with his solicitor that morning to sign for the house in Russell Square. This project must take precedence, for it directly concerned his future happiness—and hopefully hers. He would need to have a home to welcome a wife.
The signatures did not take long, and when they were finished, Mr. Burbank handed him the key to his new residence. He stared at the heavy iron skeleton key in the palm of his hand, scarcely able to believe that the house belonged to him.
“If you should require a complete furnishing of the house, I have agents who will handle that. You need only let me know your budget and taste.”
