Page 46 of A Gentleman's Reckoning
“Forgive me for implying anything to the contrary,” he said softly.
He held out his hand in invitation to place hers in it. After a reluctant moment, she did. Neither of them wore gloves, and the feel of his hand around hers reminded her of his fingers touching her cheek, her neck, of the intimacy of their kiss. Her breath stuttered.
“If after six months, having grown to know more about me, you still feel the same way,” he said, “I will gratefully and fervently lay my heart at your feet.” He lifted her hand to his lips and placed a kiss there, his warm lips on her fingers before releasing it from his clasp. He stepped back, and she took in a deep breath, as though coming up for air.
“If you will excuse me, my lady, I have something I must attend to.” He had reverted to her formal title. He looked at her and she saw the note of chagrin in his expression that matched her own disappointment, now that there was again distance between them. “If I am to be perfectly honest, I do not trust myself around you, and I want to give you those six months. You deserve them.”
“Very well,” she murmured, fervently hoping he did not hear the reluctance in her voice. She had some remaining dignity after all.
He bowed and took his leave.
Geny went to the opposite side of the room and sat on the bench by the wall, leaning back. Her limbs were trembling and her heart raw and hopeful all at once. She had laid her soul barebefore John. She could not help but do so, for there was too much at stake. Her futurehappinesswas at stake. He was rejecting her, but admitted he did not trust himself around her.
She attempted to make sense of his reasoning using cold logic and not the nuanced desires of her heart. It seemed as though he was giving her hope that they would have a future together if only she allowed him time. He wished to give her a way out should she change her mind. Well, Mr. John Rowles would not find her so fickle.
At last, Geny let her eyes focus on the room brightened by the curtains, allowing a smile to touch her lips. It would be useful to have them on the cold winter nights, and it was a great improvement over the bare walls of before.
Geny went to visit baby Ben, who had completely recovered from his cold and was shoving everything he could into his mouth. He even graced her with a smile when she came near. She picked him up, bounced him in her arms a bit, and kissed him on the forehead as she talked to Nurse. Then she reluctantly handed him over and headed toward Gabriel’s room on the third floor where he was still recovering from his injury. She knocked on the door and entered, and Gabriel looked up when she walked in. His face was drawn, scarcely brightening at the sight of his visitor.
She pulled the only chair in the room over to the bed and sat at the side of it, sending him a bracing smile. “Have you been keeping yourself busy, Gabriel? You look bored.”
“I am a little bored, I suppose. But it is all right. I will not be any trouble.” There was a despondent tone to his voice.
“Is your arm still paining you a great deal?” She looked under the covers at the bandaged arm and noted the surgeon’s handiwork with satisfaction. The skin near the bandage did not appear red.
“Not so much, especially when I don’t move it.”
“That is good.” She studied him for a moment. “Why shouldyou worry about being trouble? You have never been in trouble.”
Gabriel did not answer right away but furrowed his brow. “I am worried that the person who is sponsoring me will not wish to do so anymore when he finds out I have been injured. Perhaps he will think I was causing trouble near the wall. Or that I am of no use to the orphanage, or to him anymore.”
Geny stared at Gabriel with surprise, never having once thought about how he might feel about being one of the sponsored orphans—or about the fears that would accompany such a thing.
“Well, let me reassure you then. I have heard nothing of your sponsorship being withdrawn, and I believe I would be one of the first to know.” She patted the blanket near him. “I do not think sponsorship occurs because of the worth that you might bring to the orphanage. It is usually because the person who is sponsoring you feels they have some debt to pay and wishes to see that you are properly taken care of.”
“A debt to pay, as in…I am perhaps the bastard son of a man of consequence?” He brought his direct gaze to bear upon her.
She would not hide the answer from him, and replied gently. “Very often that is the case. I cannot say for sure because I do not have access to the records of your past history, but it would be my guess.”
She touched him on his uninjured arm. “And that means your being injured doesn’t change anything. So I would remove that worry. I am very certain Mr. Rowles will wish you to rejoin his lessons with Timothy soon. He has praised your cleverness.”
This seemed to boost his mood, and he smiled more brightly.
“In the meantime, I will see about getting you something to read, even if I have to search through my own library to do so. It can’t be good for you to be sitting here doing nothing, hour after hour, while waiting for your convalescence.”
“Thank you, my lady.” Gabriel looked even more relieved, and it was the first genuine smile she had seen from him that day. She promised to visit him in two days’ time but would try to get books sent to him before then.
When she went to the office to review the list of clothing needs, Mr. Dowling appeared in her doorway.
She glanced up from her desk. “Good afternoon, Mr. Dowling.”
She did not invite him to enter, hoping he had nothing important to say to her. She had much on her mind, not the least of which was John’s declaration of his feelings for her.
I believe mine more than likely surpass yours.
“I was wondering if you needed my assistance for anything, my lady. I fear I have not made myself available to you enough lately.” He offered an ingratiating smile.
Geny blinked three times attempting to discern what he might mean by such an offer. “I do not believe so, but I thank you.”
