Page 20 of Paradise Found
What she saw inside made her heart stutter.
Her entire body shook as she reached in to graze her shell bracelet, the one she accidentally left in Kamea Koa in her rush to leave before he awoke.
Underneath the bracelet was a stack of pictures. They were of the last sunset they watched together. He had made her pose for him while they watched the horizon from the hammock. It was a series of images of Oleanna awash in the sun’s orange glow.
One of her swinging playfully, hair pulled over one shoulder.
Another of her sitting and looking back at him with a sly grin.
One was her profile, the tip of her nose catching the last rays of the day.
Another close up with her straps pulled down, hinting at exposed brown skin still tingling from his passionate kisses.
The last one was a selfie of both of them. She was laughing so hard; she looked ridiculous with her nose crinkled and her eyes closed. He was staring at her with so much affection, her fragile heart broke all over again.
She put everything back and closed the dresser.
And then, impulsively and without regret, she opened it and grabbed the picture of them together.
The only one she would ever have.
“Things are looking good,” the doctor consoled him again. “That you lost weight this summer isn’t a bad thing.”
“Gee, thanks,” the defenseman said, feigning insult. Because if he was being honest, he didn’t feel insulted.
He didn’t feel much of anything at all.
If he had lost weight, it wasn’t to take pressure off his back while he recovered from last season’s injury. He lost weight because even eating was a chore. One more thing he did because he was expected to. Along with showering and driving and talking to people and working out.
He became very good at doing the things he was expected to do. He was terrible about giving a shit one way or another.
His back didn’t hurt but other parts of his body were unbearable. His bones felt brittle and his chest heavy.
The overgrown beard that sprouted through the summer hid the pain in his jaw. Pain from grinding his molars so hard every time he thought about Oleanna. And he thought about her a lot.
Still, he’d take the doctor’s good news and follow the trainer’s advice. He woulddo his joband train every day. Prepare foranother season of hockey. Axel would cling to the consolation that he got to keep the one thing he was good at: his career.
Except, for the first time in his life, it wasn’t enough.
After a mindless, flavorless meal of chicken and a salad, Axel took a shower.
Every night, he promised himself he wouldnotjerk off to the memory of her moans of pleasure or the taste of her arousal when he pressed his face to her salty-sweet center.
Every night, with loads of self-loathing and zero self-control, he jerked off to the memory of the woman he wanted but couldn’t have.
A woman he couldn’t evenfind.
Afterward, he lay in bed and prepared the solemn ritual. He wasn’t a religious man, yet something about holding her bracelet in his palm felt holy. It was a relic that connected them to each other.
He couldn’t sleep until he stared at her pictures one at a time, tracing details of her face with his fingers. The ritual calmed him even as it stirred the deepest unrest in his heart. Unrest that triggered the need to find her, dammit.
But where to start?
And why should he search for a person who didn’t want to be found?
She left freely.
He was desperate for Oleanna, butshewasn’t lost or helpless or confused. She voluntarily left without a trace. The woman of his dreams walked away, confirming that his feelings were simply not reciprocated and that his hope for a future with her, less than futile.
