Page 41 of Falling for Paris
Rafael:You’re probably already in Paris. I’m sorry for how things went today. I hope we can talk when we’ve both cooled off. In the meantime, I’d like to bring you your things. If you don’t want to see me, Inez can deliver your luggage before you leave on Saturday.
Rafael saw the three dots appear and then disappear. The dots were fleeting and undecided, like his muddled brain. He decided to work off his anxiety. Maybe a run would clear his head. He took his medication and went out under the scorching sun, pushing his body more than he should.
Returning from the exertion, Rafael felt a tightening creep into his nerves before it seized him. It was such a familiar pain, it was almost a relief. A reminder, really, that he couldn’t make this tedious illness part of Tori’s life too. It wouldn’t be fair for her to witness him like this, pushing himself a step forward then suffering the consequences two stepsback. He sat and waited for the attack to ease enough so he could shower.
Finally, he managed to wash up and get dressed. That’s when he saw it.
Tori:I’m sorry I left without my things. If you can throw or donate them for me, I would appreciate it.
Before he could talk himself out of it, he dialed her number. His call went straight to voicemail. He texted again.
Rafael:I can bring it tonight. It isn’t fair for you to lose your things because I ruined everything. I’m sorry, Tori. Please let me bring this to you.
He was pathetic. The desperate attempt to see her one more time before she left was absolutely pathetic. Yet his yearning was undeniable. A few more minutes with Tori felt like a lifeline. He dialed her number. Again it went straight to voicemail. He also noticed that his last text did not have a notification of delivery.
***
“She blocked you, you idiot.” Inez sounded exasperated. They were alone in the kitchen lab after the school closed for the day.
“You’re right,” he snarled at himself, feeling ridiculous. “Dammit, Inez, how did everything go to shit so fast?”
He had spent the day working in his office and talking to vendors. The whole time, Rafael wondered what Tori was doing or where she was staying. They were in the same city, but he felt galaxies away.
“What happened, Rafael?” There it was again. The pitying gentleness annoyed him as always. After a full day of avoiding the topic so he could face the world, he couldn’t pretend anymore.
“I fell in love with her.” He didn’t continue the rest of that statement.I fell in love with her which is why I practically kicked her out of my house.
Inez pursed her lips and shook her head. “That’s been obvious for a while. I knew it was inevitable when I saw the video of you both biting each other’s heads off at the cheese shop.”
“Maybe for me it was inevitable. But not for her. She was pissed and putting me in my place. I love her even more for it.” He couldn’t believe the drivel coming out of his mouth. It was one thing to ruminate with regret and doubt when alone, but to have someone witness it was a hundred times worse. He bit down hard on his lower lip to stop himself from more outbursts.
“I think you’re wrong. I think it was inevitable for her too. You were both drawn to each other, Rafael, despite the imperfections and misunderstandings.” She paused and reached over to lean a hand on his shoulder. “Sure, you’re not perfect. And neither is she. Being together isn’t about perfection. It’s about belonging.”
If she punched him in the chest, he wouldn’t have felt it as deeply as her words. There was a cracking in his ribs he had never felt before.
It’s about belonging.Inez’s words lingered in his head.
An overwhelming warmth flooded his system at the thought of creating a world in which Tori and he belonged to each other. Could a woman like her truly accept him? Despite his scarred body and the insidiousness of his pain? Even if she said yes,shouldshe?
“I belong to her, yes. But I can’t claim her for myself. It wouldn’t be fair.”
“You’re right about that.”
He accepted the insult for the truth that it was and stayed silent. It wouldn’t be right for him to expect the depths of his devotion to be shared, but there was no doubthebelonged toher.He hadn’t ever known a person could take over every thought in his brain and beat of his heart the way she did so effortlessly.
“You know, for an arrogant man, you are infuriatingly easy to offend. You’re right that it wouldn’t be fair for you to claim her. Because guess what? When two people belong together, it isn’t about claiming. Victoria is not a woman to be claimed. That’s not what she wants or needs, Rafael.”
“I know. Fuck, I know. I can’t stop reliving our fight. And I just wish I could have slowed it all down. Listenedto her instead of giving in to the nagging fear that I don’t deserve her.”
“We don’t deserve the people we love, my dear. Belonging together and loving each other? Those are gifts we don’tdeservebut must always cherish.”
He let her words sink in. “I can’t imagine a better life than cherishing her. Loving her.” It was as soft as a whisper but a louder, surer truth had never been uttered.
Running his hands over his head and pulling his hair, Rafael let his foolish choices sink into his bones. Twenty-four hours without Tori made his skeleton brittle and his skin clammy. Looking ahead to a life without her? That would be pure hell.
Everything was clear all of a sudden. No matter how ill he might get or how uncertain of their future, building a life with Tori would still be the only life he would want. Nothing would get in the way of Rafael trying his damn hardest to give her a lifeshewould want, too. To cook for her, laugh with her, create with her, make love to her—these were victories he would relish every single day.
Nudging him out of his reverie, Inez asked, “Then what are you waiting for?”
