Page 22 of Peak of Love
“Maybe. Is it working?”
Her chuckle was both sweet and sexy. A deadly combination. “Dane, you don’t have to do anything but be yourself to impress.” Celina grabbed her glass of wine and nibbled a cracker as if she didn’t just blow his mind.
Dane was usually confident to a fault. He’d often been called cocky.
Yet the last two nights left him raw. Open to too many memories. Vulnerable to guilt. He couldn’t shake the sense that something was wrong with the universe when Asher and Celina weren’t together. The injustice of it always enraged him.
Now? Now the fire in his belly morphed into something else. An all-consuming need to possess and to pleasure.He was battling an irrepressible impulse to make Celina laugh. Then kiss her so hot and hard she couldn’t remember what the hell was so funny.
“Don’t look grim, Dane. I’m trying to be honest about how I feel without burdening that expectation onto others. When I say I want you, it’s fully recognizing that you’re not in the same head space. And that’s fine. I love you as a friend no matter what.”
What was this feeling? Like his insides were turned outward. Oh, wait, it must be Celina gutting him with her honesty. He didn’t trust himself to speak, which was probably for the best since, apparently, she wasn’t done gutting him.
“Remember what you said that first night? Adults give each other pleasure all the time. I can recognize what you gave me. I can thank you and saymore please. And I can also take your hesitation for what it is. Your right. Your choice.”
“You think I have a choice here?” Dane tried to keep the bitterness from his voice. He utterly failed. “You think the factors involved in us having an affair aren’t as important—maybe even more important—than whatIwant?”
She put her glass down and braced the kitchen island. “You’re right. I, um, I don’t want to upset you. Like I said, I was just trying it out,” she made a nervous grimace. “Didn’t say I was any good at casual sex.”
“Goddamn, Celina, is that what you think this is?”
Shaking her head vigorously, Celina’s voice tightened. “Uh-uh, you don’t get to sound indignant. I’ve had a front-row seat to the carousel of women you’ve been with. There’s never been any indication that you’re interested in anything other than casual sex, Dane.”
He rubbed his face roughly. So much about this exchange was wrong, yet inevitable. The second he put his hands on her body, this conversation was in draft form.
This is what had kept him from making love to her. Discovering shared pleasure was one thing. They’d had incredible moments of passion. No doubt about it, they were physically compatible.
Yet giving in to each other’s fullest desires? Being with Celina could never be purely physical. Making love wouldn’t be a discovery. It would be complete and irreversible possession.
“Nothing about being with you is casual, Celina.” That was the truth, as simply as he could put it.
She walked around the island and took his hand between the two of hers. “You’re right. I’m sorry. I never meant to belittle what happened between us.”
“Don’t apologize,” he barked, irritated by his inability to express himself.
Celina put her hands up in surrender. “Fine! I’m not sorry. I’m not sorry for one second of our time together. Is that what you need to hear?”
Yes, yes, yes!his heart screamed. “I’m not sorry, either.”
“So, what’s stopping you, Dane?” She crept her hand under his shirt and ran a finger over the edge of his pants, passing over his belly button with featherlike tenderness.
“You,” he declared.
Her jaw slackened and her mouth opened, but no sounds came out. She pulled back, speechless, so he plunged onward.
“I’m the only man you’ve been with since Asher.You’rethe one who said you needed to get out of your comfort zone.You’rethe one who said you wanted to date and explore and… date.” His vocabulary was as constrained as his throat.
“If we slept together, I wouldn’t allow it. I’d want you for myself.” It was true. If he took her, Dane didn’t think he could let things return to normal.
But what if Dane’s expectations weren’t consistent with what was best for Jerome and Jonas? What if sleeping with him wasn’t what was best for Celina, who had already suffered so much? It pained him to admit it, but Dane would never be good enough to replace Asher in her life. Not even close.
“You’d want me. For yourself,” she repeated as if in a trance.
“That’s the problem, Celina. You’re the one woman I’ve never allowed myself to want.”
“Say that again,” Tori’s voice filled the vehicle while Celina sat in traffic.
“I think I might consider dating. Maybe.”
