Page 39 of Nine Months to Bear
“How far along are you in nursing school?” I ask, my voice softer now.
“Halfway through.” Pride flickers across her face before dimming. “I work nights at the hospital cafeteria. It’s not enough for tuition, but…”
“It’s better than stripping,” I mumble, repeating what she said before.
It’s honest work. Not selling her body to a tech bro and his supermodel wife. Not renting her womb to a man like Stefan Safonov.
A phone chimes, slicing through the tension. Katelyn glances at the screen, and for a moment, her composed facade cracks. “Fuck. Guess my little brother told Mom where I was headed. She doesn’t think I’ll follow through with this, either.”
My chest constricts. I thought I was looking at a mirror earlier, in the lobby at Safonov Holdings. But looking at Katelyn here is like gazing into a mirror of a whole different variety. This onedoesn’t reflect my face—it reflects my soul, my sins, all the wrong turns that brought me here.
Even the turns I thought were right have done me nothing but harm. Mom smiled when I became valedictorian, yeah, but was that worth the disappointed downward slant of her lips when Walsh stole everything and left me to die?
And now that she’s back toI love yous,does it actually feel good? Or is it tinged with bitterness because I know that it’s only the bits of aura I’ve stolen from Stefan that are making her happy?
She’s not proud of me—she’s proud because a powerful man noticed me.
It sure as hell doesn’t feel like love.
In fact, I know it’s not. I’ve spent my entire life contorting myself to earn love that should have been unconditional. I know better than anyone how worthless of a prize that love is.
And yet here I am, ready to do it again—placing my future, my body, my clinic in Stefan Safonov’s hands. Trading everything I’ve worked for to please a mother who will never be satisfied.
Worse—I considered, for a single fucking second, offering the bright-eyed young girl in front of me up to the same twisted cycle.
I’m suddenly itchy all over. My skin feels too tight, too hot. I’m not saving my clinic by accepting Stefan’s offer—I’m betraying everything it represents. Every woman who’s trusted me to help her create life on her own terms.
I reach for Katelyn’s application on my desk. The paper makes a satisfying sound as I tear it in half, then quarters.
“Wait!” Her eyes go huge. “But I need?—”
“Don’t. Just don’t, okay?” The pieces flutter into the trash like the world’s saddest confetti. “Keep working at the hospital. Find another job. Do what you have to do, but go finish nursing school. Don’t do this.”
Katelyn stares at me like I’ve grown a second head. Maybe I have. “But the money?—”
“There are scholarships. Grants. I can help you apply. But this? This isn’t the answer.”
“My mom?—”
“—will never be satisfied.” I finish for her. “Trust me.”
Except she shouldn’t trust me. Not after what I almost did—what Idid. I laid out women in front of Stefan Safonov like it was an all-you-could-eat buffet. And then I offered him myself.
Well, I haven’t actually gone through with that last part just yet. He never answered my text. I didn’t see him this morning.
The only proof is that stupid cup I gave to his receptionist. I glance down at my phone. That was only ten minutes ago, but God, so much has already changed.
So what if I…?
I stand up, my chair rolling back against the wall. “I have to go. You have to— We both need to leave.”
Katelyn slinks out in stunned silence. I make a note to send her a link to some nursing scholarships later.
But right now, I have somewhere to be.
The drive back to Stefan’s office takes forever. Every other driver on the road seems determined to slow me down. I find myself stuck in a jam right at the foot of Dr. Walsh’s new billboard, as fate would have it.
Her face looms over the interstate, beaming, so trustworthy, so wise, so easy to put your faith in.Every family begins with a choice,Billboard Walsh is saying.The slogan glows against the morning sky, as pristine and hollow as a cleaned-out bank account.
