Page 159 of Nine Months to Bear
“Yeah. Thanks.”
He sits back down, but not in his chair. He takes the one next to me instead, close enough that our knees touch under the table. “What would be enough?” he asks.
I blink at him. “‘Enough’? I mean… Like, for me? For us? I don’t know.”
“Yes, you do.”
“Stefan—”
“What would be enough, Olivia?”
His thumb traces circles on my hand. Such a small touch, but it feels like everything.
It takes me a while, but eventually, I find my answer. “More than just co-parenting,” I say tentatively. “More than just sharing custody and comparing schedules and pretending we’re nothing to each other except two people who made a baby.”
“Is that what you think will happen?”
“Isn’t it?” I pull my hand away. “Once the baby’s here, once you have what you wanted, why would you need me around? Why would you want?—”
“Stop.”
“No, I need to say this. I need you to understand that I can’t… I can’t do casual with you. Not anymore. Not with your baby growing inside me. Not with you looking at me like?—”
“Like what?”
“Like you actually give a damn.”
“I do give a damn.”
“About the baby, yeah, of course.”
“No—about you.” He catches my face between his hands. “Christ, Olivia. Aboutyou.”
I shake my head. “I know you don’t say things you don’t mean. But this is different. Youcan’tmean what you’re saying right now. This is hormones and proximity and the excitement of the baby. Once that wears off?—”
“It won’t.”
“You don’t know that.”
“All I know is that the thought of you leaving makes me want to go fucking feral.” His forehead drops to mine. “I know that when you’re not here, nothing works right. I’ve broken every rule I’ve ever made for myself because of you—and I can’t bring myself to regret a single goddamn second of it.”
“Stefan…”
“Nine months…” His breath ghosts across my lips. “Fucking hell, Olivia, you think in nine months I’ll be done with you? I haven’t been able to get you out of my head since that first night at the gala. You think a baby changes that? You thinktimechanges that? You thinkANYTHINGwill?”
My heart pounds so hard it hurts. “I don’t know what to think anymore.”
“Then stop thinking.” His nose touches mine. “Just… stop, and let me take care of you.”
His mouth is so close to mine. Too close. Close enough that I can taste his breath, feel the heat radiating off his skin. My whole body trembles with the effort of not closing that tiny distance between us.
“I can’t stop thinking,” I whisper. “It’s what I do. It’s who I am.”
“Then tell me what you’re thinking.”
“You don’t want to know.”
“I do.” His hands tighten on my face. “Tell me.”
