Page 113 of Nine Months to Bear
“And if you could only have one, which would you choose?”
I don’t answer. I can’t, because the truth terrifies me. Because sitting here with Stefan, feeling safer than I have in years despite knowing exactly how dangerous he is…
I’m starting to think I’ve already chosen.
“What about children?” I ask, deflecting. “You want an heir, but no partner. How does that work?”
“Simple. I provide for the child, ensure they’re educated, protected. Everything else is unnecessary complications.”
“Everything else meaning what?”
“Bedtime stories. Soccer games. Arguments about curfew.” He shrugs. “I’ll hire people for that.”
“You can’t hire people to love your child.”
“I can hire people to care for them properly. It’s more reliable.”
“Is that what happened to you? Hired caretakers?”
“After my father died, yes. Nannies, tutors, bodyguards. It was efficient.”
“It must’ve been lonely.”
Stefan’s jaw tightens. “It was safe.”
“Safe isn’t the same as loved.”
“Love didn’t keep my father alive.”
I bend forward, my hands clenched in my lap. “But it made his life worth living. The way he loved Antonia, even after she was gone—that’s what kept him human in a world that tried to make him a monster.”
“He was weak.”
“It takes courage to love someone when you know it might destroy you.”
“Or stupidity.”
“Maybe they’re the same thing.”
Stefan drains his vodka and sets the glass down. “You’re romanticizing it.”
“And you’re running from it.”
“I’m not running from anything.”
“No? Then why are you so determined to keep our child at arm’s length? Why hire strangers when you could?—”
“When I could what? Play house? Pretend this is something it’s not?”
His words sting, but I push forward. “When you could be a father. Really be one, not just a provider.”
“I don’t know how to be a father.”
“Nobody does,” I say gently. “You learn as you go. You make mistakes and try to do better next time.”
“What if I screw it up? What if I turn out like my mother—manipulative, cruel, incapable of putting anyone else first?”
“You won’t.”
