Page 29 of Velvet Thorns
But I won’t react, not like that. She doesn’t deserve that kind of monster.
“What do you want from me, Phoenix?”
“I just want you,” I whisper, but she laughs, tossing her hands up like this is all some big, cruel joke.
“So what? You think you can show up after all these years, andI’m just supposed to forget? Ask you how many kids you want like nothing ever happened?”
“Two,” I say without a moment’s hesitation. “So they’ll never be alone the way we were, and it’s not too many that I lose even a second of you when I need you most.”
She just shakes her head at me, eyes bulging like I’m out of my fucking mind. But I don’t think it’s crazy to plan your future with the girl you’re obsessed with. We’re going to want kids. I already know that. Not now, obviously, but one day, when she’s done pretending she doesn’t want to wake up next to me for the rest of her life.
“Whatever fantasy you’ve built up in your head ends now because this isn’t happening.”
I step closer, my hair falling across my face as I lean down until we’re sharing the same breath. “I can’t let you go. Not now.”
“Even if I didn’t think you were completely deranged, I still wouldn’t open myself up to you. Not after what you put me through.”
“I had nothing to do with what happened that day.” I shake my head, desperate for her to believe me. “I swear to you, baby, I’d rather carve out my own fucking heart than be the one who hurt you.”
“God, it’s not just that…” Her hands tremble as she pushes her hair back. “That’s not even why I can’t do this with you.”
“Then tell me what it is. Let me fix it, Shannen. I’ve been living just to fix it.”
“You were the one who hurt me. You abandoned me.” The words come out broken, like they’re tearing her throat raw. “You disappeared when I needed you most. You left me to suffer alone, as if I meant nothing. And you just watched. You stood there and let it happen like some coward I didn’t recognize. Like the weak, spineless boy I never thought you were.”
“You really think I haven’t been paying for that? You think I haven’t hated myself every single day since? I’ve spent years replaying every moment in my head a thousand different ways, trying to rewrite it, where I’m the boy who didn’t fail you. Because, Jesus, Shannen, I did fail you. I know that, and maybe that means I don’t deserve your forgiveness, but I swear to god, I’ll never stop trying to earn it. I’m not walking away from you again; you’ll have to bury me first.”
Her entire body tightens like she’s trying to keep herself together, clinging to the anger because it’s safer than breaking. But I see the slight tremble in her chin, and the way her throat works around tears she’ll never let fall.
“You can’t hate me more than I already hate myself,” I say. “But don’t lie and pretend you’ve forgotten me.”
“You’ve lost your fucking mind,” she whispers, but there’s no fight left in it. Just exhaustion and the crushing weight of ten years pressing down on both of us.
“Give me one night, Shannen. Just one.” The desperation in my voice should embarrass me, but I’m too far gone to care.
“And then what?” I watch her pulse flutter at the base of her throat, feeling it echo in my chest like her heart is wired to mine.
“Then you can walk away, and I won’t stop you.”
It’s the most beautiful lie I’ve ever told, and the way she's looking at me tells me she sees right through it.
Good, my girl is learning.
“You have one night to talk. That’s all.”
“Okay.”
“I’m not having sex with you.”
“I know,” I say, biting back a grin. Her tone, that fire—god, it does something to me.
“Try anything, and I’ll knee you so hard you’ll piss sideways for the rest of your life.”
“Fuck, I’ve missed you, baby.”
She could spit in my face and break every bone in my body, and I’d still want to pull her into my arms and tell her she’s the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen. Instead, I take a small step back, raising my hands like I’m harmless and not the kind of man who’d wipe the whole fucking planet off the map just to make her look at me the way she used to.
Chapter 8
