Page 87 of Cream & Sugar
My heart bleeds for him. I reach out and take his hand, sandwiching it between mine. “Freddie, you are not a problem. Don’t ever say that about yourself.”
He shoots me a dubious glance. “You haven’t known me very long—”
“I’ve known you long enough to see what a hard worker you are. How much you try to do a good job. How amazing you are with people! How—,” I swallow, nervously, “how you make my days better just by existing, okay.”
Freddie frowns, like he’s waiting for the catch. I squeeze his hand tighter.
“I mean it, Freddie. You’re a lovely man, and I’m not just saying that because I fancy you.”
His lips part slightly, revealing a cupid’s bow of pearly white teeth.
“No one’s said anything like that to me in a long time, Shaun. Not since Mum.”
He falls silent as tears stream down his cheeks. The young man in front of me isn’t the same one who swaggered into my café with an empty CV but more charisma than a movie star. He’s vulnerable and, given what he’s told me, he’s a man starved of love. A feeling I know all too well.
I clear my throat.
“Forgive me if I’m overstepping here, but your brother. Rory. Is he ever, you know,niceto you?”
Freddie shrugs. “Sometimes? It’s like, I know he loves me, right? However much he tries to hide it, we’re still family. But most of the time, I dunno if helikesme very much.”
“Right,” I nod. “He doesn’t seem like the affectionate type.”
Freddie’s head droops a little. “He used to be. That changed. After Mum.”
The dots connect in my head and I lean in closer.
“Freddie, you and your brother went through something terrible. You lost your mum, and I’m guessing your dad wasn’t in the picture to begin with?” He shakes his head. “Right. Well, I can’t even imagine that kind of pain. Losing a parent at such a young age is devastating, for both of you. It will have changed everything.”
Freddie’s mouth lifts in a sad little smile. “We used to hang out. Play music together. But he won’t do it now. He says I remind him of her like it’s a bad thing. I guess that’s maybe why he can’t stand to look at me half the time.”
Oh no, nowI’mtearing up. “I’m sure that’s very painful for him. But it’s also not your fault.”
Freddie looks confused. “How not?”
“Well, you didn’t choose to take on your mother’s best qualities, did you? You just did.”
He contemplates, looking into the middle-distance for a second. “I guess not?”
“No. You didn’t. But from what you’ve told me she was a pretty special lady? Well, I believe it, but only because I knowyou. If you remind him of her, that’s a testament to how good of a person you are! If he can’t deal with that, then I’m sorry Freddie, but that’shis problem. Not yours.”
He’s hanging on my every word. For once, I feel like I’m nailing my half of a conversation, so I press on.
“You’ve been to hell and back and look at you! You’re a smart, charismatic, kind person who could charm the pants off a monk! Don’t you realise how amazing that is? To have been through all that and still be a gold-star human being?”
“That’s not—,” he stammers, “I mean, underneath all that crap, there’s a lot of baggage, you know?”
“Of course there is,” I reassure him. “These things take years to get over. Sometimes they stay with us forever. But not letting them ruin us, or turn us bitter,that’sthe sign you’re doing something right. So you’re not an idiot, Freddie. And, I promise you, you’re not a problem. Yes, you made a mistake. You’ll feel guilty and the next few years will be rough while you pay him back, but you will pay him back, you’ll learn a lesson, and before you know it, the whole thing will be forgotten.”
He gives me a grim little smile. “I don’t think Rory will ever let me forget this.”
I draw myself up, puffing out my chest. “Well, he should. And if he doesn’t, you can tell him to talk to me.”
Freddie’s eyes go wide. Secretly, I really hope Rorydoeslet him forget this. I’m not sure I’d want to be on that meathead’s bad side. But I’ll do it, if I have to. For Freddie.
Freddie turns his whole body towards me, crossing one leg over the other. “I’ve changed my mind about you, Shaun.”
My heart plummets. I’ve said too much again.
